Frame of Reference

Ever since Thanksgiving, work has been a whirlwind of busy. We've been understaffed and over managed. I feel sorry for the customers. I can't possibly give them the kind of service I would like. The sad thing is, I'm past the point of caring. I just need a break. The tree is up and decorated. Silver and light blue. I think it looks simple and gorgeous. Needs a tree skirt though, on the look out. Another disgusting dream last night and my eye is still twitching. Off to work, but first a date with toro rojo and some eye drops. Apparently there is a college soccer tournament happening in town. Two of the teams decided to stop in and eat yesterday evening. If the next couple of days are anything like last night (parties of 30) I'm going to need more than just energy. Where do boys put all of that food?

"This is going to hurt. A lot." The man said to me. His eyes were so dark they could have been black and were staring, unflinchingly at mine before sliding down to my arm. His left hand circled my left wrist and my eyes darted down to watch the blade slice into the crook of my arm and travel in slow motion to my wrist. I woke up with my heart in my throat. That was several nights ago. My left upper eye lid has been twitching for four days now. I've also had a muscle spasm happening on the side of my neck ever since I got home from work this evening. I received payment even though it was supposed to be a gift. I'm slightly offended. 3:30 a.m. happens a lot sooner than expected. I surprised myself by not being affected by the masses of people. I am determined to work on my "looks" or "facial expressions". I do not like that I am so easy to read. Bailey is my baby polar bear who keeps me warm in the mornings. Often times too warm. I drove a Harley on ...

On everything else? No Comment.

A birthday wish was made. It's been almost 8 months since I've seen her in person. The feeling was surreal. Everything worked out much better then I thought it would. I wish that there would have been more sunlight, but I snapped a few pics at Frozen Head. I wish I could have gotten Bailey acting like queen of the trails. She was too interested in sniffing the leaves to stop and pose though. What really sucked was waking up at 7:20am, being in a car for 8 hours, going directly to work and then being slammed until closing. That wasn't fun.

I wrote a poor me paragraph. I wrote it and then read it. I held the delete button down for quite a while. With so much negativity and bad things happening, who am I to complain about anything? My frustrations and helplessness and anger are mere dust particles in the grand scheme of things. As am I.

I finished the drawing. I sent it out last Thursday. It was well received and I am so incredibly grateful for that. I saw the blurb on apple yesterday about the huge announcement. I'll admit, I was intrigued . I don't think I was the only one that was disappointed. The Beatles are huge, but that was it?? I cried during a diaper commercial today.

I had a horrific nightmare this morning. One of those that leaves you gasping for breath and holding your heart inside of your chest because it's beating so fast it might explode. I remember driving in my car. The one that I own now. I was going up a steep hill. I was in the left hand lane and I noticed that smoke was lightly coming out from behind the front wheels. There was so much traffic that I couldn't do much but hope that I made it to the top. I did and the smoke stopped. I was in a hurry, wherever I was going. Then the car suddenly accelerated. I lost control and veered to the right. I knew I was going to hit another car and I did, but not terribly. Just enough to throw me into a terrifying spin off the side of the cliff. I knew I was going to die and all that I kept screaming was NO NO NO! It was so realistic. I could feel the wind in my hair and the steering wheel under my hands. Even the drop of my stomach when my car went airborne. I woke up before I hit. I guess so...

The streetlights flash a repeating pattern too late to guide anything walking. Reflections of insights like daybreaks on leaves. Shadows that mimic things alive in memories or a stomach full of words swallowed best left unsaid or unspoken because they would create interpretations of things too fragile to be broken or even created and set free. These things live in the eyes the color of skies on a stormy day, opened to you on knees bended begging for understanding and believing even fully acknowledging these passions fall on ears disbelieving, eyes jaded, and fingers calloused against the cold of the past and truths unburied.

I had a good visit yesterday. Something was telling me to go. I will never forget but I can put aside my differences. I think we both benefited. Still, 5:30 is extremely early! Now when someone asks me what I'm most afraid of, I can answer: anger. I'm having a love-hate relationship with my drawing. Yep, the same one from the summer. Going to the art festival was very inspirational though! Incredible talent everywhere! I was so excited to see my favorite artist from last year was back! A E London . If I could do even a fraction of what she can do, I would wear a safari hat all of the time too! :p So, maybe after seeing all of the great stuff, I can manage to at least finish this drawing... sometime this year. Since I always post pictures of Bailey and Wren, I thought it was high time for some B.C. loving. Behold the dark feline queen surveying her realm and her lowly subject.