Frame of Reference

"But we're never gonna survive unless... We get a little crazy. No we're never gonna survive unless... We are a little... crazy..." The Alanis version is ten times better, just f.y.i. Hope everyone had a great holiday, I surely did. I finally picked up a pencil again. (It had been a while.) Feel free to take a gander at the fruit of that labor.  I spent the past day or so trying to get everything put away. I'm also currently defending my tasty cup of strawberry shortcake flavored yogurt from sneaky felines who seem to want it even more than I do. I think I'm doing okay so far, as long as I don't break eye contact or let go of the actual plastic container. Don't ask how I'm doing that and typing at the same time. It's magic.

Well, it's a blistering 65 degrees here. I love it. It actually looks like it's going to be pretty warm this holiday season, even in Tennessee. I just hope it doesn't rain the whole trip, but it looks that way in the forecast. I don't mind driving in the rain, but after hours of it, I tend to get a headache. I think it's the windshield wipers.  Pagles got his furry muffins cut off yesterday. He did really well besides being completely knocked out on kitty morphine. He would lie in my lap and literally almost fall off if I didn't hold him. He's better this morning though. He still meows. He meows like CRAZY! And he pooped ALL over my bed. It was a lovely welcome home present from him to me.  I got the scores of my I.Q. and aptitude test. Apparently I scored pretty high (I don't really consider these tests valid) but I don't follow directions very well. I scored kinda low on my 'aptitude' test. Oh well, we can't all be perfect, right? Some...

I have remembered the feeling of sleeping in this past weekend. It is glorious and my appreciation has been restored!! It hovered in the 70's all weekend except yesterday. Yesterday it decided to play in the 50's with rain. It was also my room mates birthday. We had mexican food and chocolate cake with a layer of cherry filling. Fun was had and I reiterated my opinion on December birthdays --> They should be against the law or otherwise forboden. I've eaten so much junk food these past couple of days I feel I need to fast in order to clean my system out. This isn't really going to happen, but sometimes it's fun to tell my body that. I'll just drink tons of water and keep the food restricted to fruit and vegetables.  So here is another monday. I'm drinking coffee and the cats are stalking phantom enemies and each other while I try to be quiet and not wake anyone up. Is it Wednesday yet?

I woke up at 5 am this morning. Why? Because there is a meeting at 715. I hope breakfast is provided. I'm not hungry right now, but I will be. I can feel it. A little fun fact I forgot to mention. We have to bake cookies regularly. In a toaster oven. So that it won't 'smell' like a dentist office. I'm not being snarky about this. I think it's a great idea. I mean, air fresheners could work but then what would we offer the patients for being so understanding when they have a long wait? You have to have job security too, right?  As I was standing in the bathroom, waiting for the water to turn hot I heard coyotes outside. A whole pack of them. They were howling and doing that barking thing they do. It was pretty awesome but some part of me that remembers the days when survival of the fittest really meant just that reared it's head and was glad that I was inside. I wish the sun was up though, I would love to have seen them. I think they were really close, it sur...

Well, I am gainfully employed once again. I'm working at a dentist office! The people seem really spectacular. I got to work yesterday, all day as a 'working interview' just to see how it 'works out with me' and how I get along with everyone. It's pretty much what I did in my previous job, except no kids, just cantankerous adults. The real kicker? I make $5 less than what I was making doing my previous job. $5!!!! You never really do appreciate what you have until it's gone. Joni Mitchell is -SO- right! It's been EXTREMELY foggy here every morning! I absolutely love it. The temp is hovering around 70. How's that for christmas weather? 

I have become addicted to an online game. I will helpfully provide the link so that I might spread the fun and possibly make other people addicted too! Just doing my part. It's here --> Addicting Games    The interviews last week went well, but don't they always? I did get called back to a Dentist office that I applied to. I got to take a personality test, an IQ test, and an aptitude test. I got to take these tests at 8am. My brain is not used to operating that early, but I think I did alright. My favorite was the aptitude test. Basically, the office manager handed me a piece of paper without any instructions and told me it was timed (finish it as quickly but efficiently as possible). It was fun stuff! The very last question was "Write your full name in the left hand margin. Circle your first name once and your last name twice." After everything was over, I asked if I could get the scores. She told me only if I got hired. I thought about it and said, "Yeah, it...

"Another one bites the dust, and another one gone, another one gone." I am amazed that people have such disregard for technology. I understand that it can be a bad thing. Anything can be bad. I just do not think that you can turn a blind eye on something that is so prevalent and necessary. Especially in the medical field. New technological advances are happening every day! Besides, it's so very wasteful to rely on paper. Save the PLANET and stop contributing to global warming. Anyway, I'm ranting. I am also not going to update on the job search until I have something I am sure I feel comfortable in....and when it lasts more than a day. Ignorance is bliss and judging remarks aren't made. Happiness for all!! It's storming here. I LOVE it! I love the fact I can watch the rain and lightening from my bed with two wonderful kitties lying on top of me. It's a snuggle fest, jealous? I just wish the sound of the rain dripping into the large puddles outside of my wi...

Crimeny! I haven't woken up on purpose this early in forever it seems like. That's right, all good things must come to an end. After what has been a little over a month, I am no longer unemployed. I actually have an office job too. I went on an interview yesterday at a plastic surgeon's office. I'm supposed to be there at 8:30 this morning. Feels a little like the first day of school. The interview was very cute. I think I got hired because I don't plan on having children though. That seemed to be the big focus. "No marry? No children? How you family? They healthy?" Apparently, a lot of new hires have had to leave suddenly because of spontaneous impregnation. It's a tragedy that's sweeping the country...on the down low. I'll be doing the same thing that I did in my previous job, just a specialty practice instead of a general practice. I also applied at a new restaurant that is opening. Laugh all you want, but I really LIKE working in restaurant...

There is a lesson in everything, and I mean EVERYTHING that we do. There has to be. Suffice it to say that, that place did -not- work out! And it wasn't just the dancing thing, so don't assume that I am so prudish. I actually just learned today that the starbucks that is located in the same center is closing because that place is just not busy when there are no concerts. It's kind of out of the way. I agree with the chic behind the counter. It would do much better if they had put it right on the beach. Have no fear though, I have something that might look promising tomorrow. A heron just landed in the back yard!! (That's not my picture by the way.) Since I have so much free time, I'm working on some really cool projects. Hopefully I'll have something up soon. Maybe after the holidays. 

My alarm went off at 3:45 in the morning on Friday. I didn't think that the sun was ever going to come up as I was driving north. When I arrived in Tennessee it wasn't as cold as I thought it was going to be. Within 45 minutes of being there, I'm pretty sure the temperature dropped 15 degrees. It also started raining and didn't stop. I enjoyed the rain though. It smells so different in Tennessee. Very clean. Anyway, it was a great trip. I definitely feel recharged. Although, the temperature and altitude difference has totally messed with my sinuses. I'm all sniffily now.  A friend of mine alerted me to a job possibility on Friday. When I got back yesterday, I ran over there to meet the manager and fill out an application. It's a 50's diner. The kind with the juke boxes on each table and white and red tiling everywhere. I was finished filling it out in mere minutes (I've become a pro at this!) and the manager came over to talk to me. While we were talking...

Do you ever find yourself alone, maybe staring out of the window and your mind just comes up with these really bizarre scenarios ? It's sometimes jarring what the imagination can create.  I had a dream last night about a fire. For the first time I was able to put it out. Unfortunately, right after that when we were all milling around outside there was a terrible mud/rock slide. I think I need to find a book to read. My mind isn't being occupied enough. It's like listening to a four year old tell an hour long story that should only take a couple of minutes. Entertaining and sometimes cute, but way too much filler. LOL  

Sweet sedation sweeps the issues... I had an interview today at an organic food store. You know the kind where everything is soy and there are aisles of vitamins. I think it went pretty well. Typical questions were asked and I think I did alright. Made the guy laugh anyway. But then he had an older lady I'd be working with come over for a 'peer interview'. I don't think the word 'peer' applied but I understood we'd be working together. She had the coolest irish accent ever! She sat down in front of me and whipped out a notepad followed by "Okay, I have a few questions." My eyebrows shot up and I had to bite back a giggle. It was nothing though, standard questions. I think I impressed her with my knowledge of Tea Tree Oil.  After that I perused Best Buy for a little window shopping, minus the windows. While I was there my old boss from the restaurant called me and asked if I could cover a shift next week at this other place she works at during the w...

The sunlight deceives in this thoughtless wonder bright rays that promise warmth are just for show an illusion in the making and naught but cold But imagine the warmth that the sun could bestow unto violin beats that mimic the heart with strings that echo and Light that dances behind shadows who bow with grace Whispers in the timeless space that exists in between one breath and the next that I hold behind pale lips shiver not, feel not but warmth of promises yet to be made

I went to the store today to buy food. It's so much fun buying food when you have to look at the prices. I'm sure I sounded like a little old lady in the aisles: "MY GOD!! 4 dollars for this?? That's insanity. We're being robbed!!" while shoving the item back on to the shelf with disdain, like the item itself is offensive. Also went to this little park/beach area and took some pictures. It was -FRIGID- today! Got some good shots though. Also got barked at by this adorable little schnauzer that had the typical 'small dog who thinks it's a killer' syndrome. Gotta love it.  I've become a Sudoku master. Just thought I'd throw that out there. Tremble before me! HAHAHA

I'm making stuff for the holidays. I will leave it at that in all it's 'vague' glory wonderfulness. You never know. I'm making stuff because I have a lot of time right now. I have a lot of time that I'm desperately trying to fill. But I'm doing an okay job at it. I have always been good at pretending to be busy. You'd be amazed at what you can think about accomplishing without ever really doing anything. I'm staring at this large vase of change that I've collected from waiting tables. I think I need to cash it in. It's over half way full and it's a pretty large vase. It's not doing anything just sitting there and that thought bothers me. The thought of loose change not being in circulation is sad. I think it ceases to be money and instead becomes a really inconvenient and heavy vase full of metal. That's not doing anybody any good. I should change it in. The Blue Angels are back in town. I saw them practicing or drilling or whatev...

I know it's been a while. Not much to write when you aren't really doing that much. I've cleaned this house from top to bottom, only to see it get dirty within minutes of anyone coming home. I can see why stay at home moms are so busy all of the time. Or why anyone is so busy when they really have nothing to do but clean. Obsessively.  I have an interview on thursday at another restaurant. Keep your fingers crossed. I know that I am. It's getting cold. I have three blankets on my bed because my room mates do not believe in putting the thermostat above 67.  I gave Pagles a shoestring. Actually, Pagles sort of just took it, but I let him have it. He carries it around with him everywhere, like a little teddy bear. It's ssooo adorable. I will try to get a picture of him with it.  Behold beauty, thanks to National Geographic:

I was off of work yesterday so when my phone rang at 5pm with the screen flashing "JAKE'S" I was very hesitant. Things have been so slow lately it's not worth going in on my day off. I know this sound crazy because any amount of money would help and it's not like I'm working my ass off anyway. But still, thoughts happen, what can you do? I did answer the phone though, and to my chagrin, boss lady said we were closed. The manager came in and officially shut things down for the winter. I knew this was coming but it still feels very weird to be unemployed. Not too weird though. It wasn't that long ago I didn't have a job or a plan for that matter. So here I sit again. Still job hunting along with the rest of the population it seems. Thankfully I have a bit of a cushion but that won't last me very long and I really want to get everything paid off. Besides, the holiday's are coming up and stamps cost money gosh darn it. I was told I could get unempl...

Had to work on Halloween. Wasn't that great of a day. I did wear a hat to work and drew a little silver star on my cheek. I was a "COOL KID", lol. I don't think anyone really saw a difference though. I was driving to work and got a gusher of a nose bleed. I thought at first it was just a runny nose and it kind of itched so I reached up to rub the side of my nose and felt wetness all over my hand. I looked down and my hand was covered in blood. Thankfully I hadn't gotten any on my clothes but I was scrambling to get into my glovebox for some napkins while keeping my car on the road. I would have pulled over but I was on a one lane road and there really was nowhere to pull over. I walked into work with bloody hands and bloody rags. People started laughing because they thought it was a Halloween prank. Like I had pretended to get stabbed or something, I dunno. Anyway, my head felt funny after that for a while. Then people started complaining about food and the night ...

I had a total of four tables tonight. Not good news. Rumors are flying that it's down to any day now for the restaurant to close. Not surprising. They are probably losing money now by having the employees there. Although there were only 2 of us tonight. I was guaranteed a job in March though. That was comforting. It's nice to feel wanted. I actually like the people I work with, well enough (If you discount the creepy kitchen guys). Everyone is sick again. The hostess could barely talk. Speaking of, her family is moving back to Colorado because there are absolutely no jobs here. I'm sure there are jobs, say...at Wal-Mart and other places that have high turn overs. But for 'other' jobs, nada. I don't know if it's the economy, the winter season, or just a combination of both.  I can't help but feel envy for the black cat purring in my lap. He's curled up and he reaches out a paw every so often in his dreams. His back legs kick out and I can't help b...

I think today is going to be a good day. I woke up relatively early with a cramp near the back of my leg. But I stretched it out and threw open the curtains. It's a beautiful day and kind of chilly actually. I'm going out to hunt for a hoodie since my favorite one seems to have disappeared to that weird place that clothing sometimes does. Either that or my sister stole it like loose change. Just kidding. I have the day off so far and I feel strangely motivated to do things. Such a bizarre feeling to have, let me tell ya.  I'm also sitting in a patch of sunlight, with Pagles on my lap, watching the dust particles dance. They move so slowly and in all different directions. It's so beautiful. I wonder if the universe looks like that - just slowed down even more. I wonder if people look like that. I hope so.  Time to shower

I wrote this last night: Awakened feelings of thought provoking dealings A chance of fate or a fated chance of meeting Does the reason matter in the larger scale of reasoning I'm eating mac and cheese of the kraft variety. The -only- variety in my humble opinion. You can't ruin mac noodles by smothering them in velveeta or some other creamy cheese. You must lightly bathe them in cheaply processed yellow powdered cheese and then add a spoonful of ketchup. This all amounts to a tiny taste of heaven. Don't take my word for it though, try it yourself. I accept donations of all kinds for my inspired words of wisdom. Work has been steadily decreasing. I think we had a total of 15 tables tonight. Bad news. With the economy and the cooler weather, who can be blamed though? I was a hostess tonight. This basically amounted to me getting paid to sit at the bar and read Mrs. Lackey's newest Valdemar book. I was so in to it that I would have to hold back growls of frustration every ...

Ramblings Ensue: o    On Saturday a woman's tab that I had waited on ended up being 19.83. She handed me the ticket along with a twenty dollar bill and told me to keep the change like she had just handed me a hundred dollar bill and was doing me the biggest favor. I gushed my thanks to her. I really wanted to bring the change back and just set it in front of her. Pull a whole "Waiting" thing and tell her that she obviously needed it a lot more than I did. But at the end of the day it's stories like that that make you laugh.  o    I had an interview today at a Derm . It went well I think. If anyone saw Grey's Anatomy last week with the Dermatology scene, yeah...it's kinda like that for real. Without the massaging of course. The people were very friendly, the place was very zen with music playing and there was a faint smell of lotion in the air. I did have to furrow my brow as a frightening thought of dying from too much Kenny G exposure entered my head. I haven...

The drive to Tennessee was pretty uneventful, a little boring but not too bad. I made a trucker laugh because I was rocking out to Wynona Judd's "No One Else on Earth". I mean, I was singing so passionately, I was SANGING . I also was very entertained for a few miles with the semi's behind me that took turns boxing cars in. I swear to god they had a 'game' going on. I would totally do that if I were a trucker. I would RULE the road. Driving in to the state was a little bizarre. I mean, truthfully, I haven't been gone 'that' long. It seems like things have changed and things have stayed exactly the same. I wanted the leaves to be more colorful, but what can you do? Pinch mother nature's ass and tell her to get on with it? I don't think so.  I want it to feel more fall-like in Florida. It's getting there though. Very brisk in the mornings and evenings. Still hovering around 80 during the day though. Although, knowing me...I would complai...

This girl I work with asked me to sketch up a blue rose with tribal/celtic designs and the name "Tyler" above it. I've got the rose and tribal done but the lettering is killing me. I might just cheat and photoshop the name in. Save me a lot of trouble. Next up is a pug picture. I'm excited about this one. The subjects are so incredibly cute!! Also, very excited to be visiting Tennessee again. I really can't wait. It will be so good to see everyone! I work tonight and tomorrow. Thinking about just leaving tomorrow after work. We'll have to wait and see. I might try and switch shifts with someone. 

I pretty much went through the first part of the day very sleepy. We've all been busting our ass at work. This leads to waking up sore and sporting dark circles under one's eyes. Until of course you can get acclimated to such physical labor every day. It's amazing what the human body can get used to. Anyway, my point is that I was kind of glad I was hostessing. Yes, the money is less but I would get a chance to rest and not run around like a crazy person. I got to hostess for about 2 hours. The restaurant was completely full at 5:30 (we open at 4) and the wait time was about 30 minutes. My boss comes rushing up to the stand and asks, "Did you bring your apron?" Funnily enough, I did because I keep my time card in my apron. She told me that she was going to hostess because we needed to use extra tables and to get my ass to serving. She didn't actually say 'ass' though. (Catching a theme here? Wait for the big finish) The really sucky thing about going i...

Some older people are hilarious and they love, LOVE coffee. I hate coffee. (I actually love drinking coffee )  It gets cold too quick and the cup is not large enough which equals lots of refills. They are also very picky about having a 'fresh pot'. I'm just very thankful that most people can not tell the difference between decaf and caffeinated .  I think I got monkey pawed. There is a shrimp festival in Gulf Shores this weekend. This equals more people at the restaurant for sure. It's apparently the last 'big weekend' before business dies down again and they close up shop for the winter. And what do I find on the schedule? HOSTESSING! Yikes. Both days, saturday and sunday !! I didn't complain to the boss but all of the other servers were sympathizing with me. Anyway, I ended up getting a banging section last night and tonight. I sold $200 more than any of the other servers. They don't like that I get big sections or that I'm getting more money. (Wh...

Will you forever pretend to be unaware of the theft you commit Sit In a cement circle and look at what you have stolen Are you sure of what you say each day with a breathless whisper Listen As your heart screams and your soul claws at the crumbling walls Can you trust what your head tells you must be true Breathe In the frigid air as you throw your head back and gaze at the stars Know for certain without a doubt that I can see them too See Into me please and believe when I tell you...

I had to hostess last night. Everyone is leaving so the servers are having to rotate hostessing. It was pretty painful, thankfully I only had to do it for 5 hours. In between the little rushes we had I was totally dancing to the the oldies they pump through the loud speakers. I also found it highly entertaining to make people follow me on these really absurd, roundabout paths through the restaurant. Talk about a power trip!! Right now I'm expanding my music library. Pretty exciting huh? I have a lot of hours this week, thankfully. Maybe it's their way of 'making it up to me' for having to hostess. 

It's a 'new moon'. Maybe new beginnings, clean slate. Maybe a signal of new cycles and new tides. Maybe nothing more than a nearly black night when the shadows are their darkest and deepest. It's beautiful here. The sun is shining and it's not terribly hot. For some reason though, I feel an itchy sensation. It needs to storm. It needs to rain a lot to clear out this tangible tension and electricity that can be felt. I'm starting a new project. Well I drawing anyway. A series of celtic knots/abstract designs. I think I've been focusing on the specifics of everything when what I really want is to be nebulous and not so defined. I'll post some WIP's whenever I get enough of it done. Slow going though since I'm still looking for jobs. If anyone would like to give away 15,000.00. I would be eternally grateful!! LOL  I'm just kidding....not really. 

I decided not to stress about the job thing today. I figured when you stop looking for something you seem to stumble across it right away. (Doesn't work) But I had a very relaxing day. Enjoyed a Chai Latte and took pictures at the beach. Went to an antique shop and a Halloween store. Tried on tons of cheesy masks and hats. Went to a book store and flipped through books about local hauntings and UFO sightings. Purchased a book on Cayce. Got caught in the sprinklers, checked out The Tracy Fragments at Blockbuster. Cleaned up the kitchen, read about the missing years of Jesus and then had Chinese food for dinner. 

During the past couple of days I have noticed these little flying bugs that are constantly joined together. These bugs are EVERYWHERE here. I'm talking, it looks like black snow when you are driving down the road, sometimes. You stop at a red light and 6 of these insects land on your windshield. It's so gross and it's so invasive. They are always mating. I haven't seen one separated yet!! I'm told if you were to pull them apart that both parties would die. But they fly around AND walk around joined together. I know this shouldn't bother me this much but it really REALLY does! Apparently they only take flight twice a year, sort of a gross way for mother nature to signal the season's change. Adult females only live 2-3 days. But I have provided a link to the highly educational wikipedia article on these exhibitionist bugs along with a delightfully informative picture.  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Love_bug Anyway, job search is still on. Apparently everyone is...

I woke up at 9am Wednesday morning, can you believe it? I can't either, but I truly did. I got some errands done, had lunch downtown which was really nice. Cleaned up a little bit, put away laundry, wrote some letters. I tried to find this blockbuster that I've been two at least half a dozen times but for some strange reason I couldn't find it. That's not like me at all, once I've been some place I can usually find my way back. Crazy! I'm convinced it's in some sort of weird Time/Space wormhole and just keeps moving around. That makes much more sense than me not remembering where it is.  That night started out pretty horrible. It was so absurd I just had to laugh about it. I got a table of 8 senior citizen women. We're talking oxygen tanks. I knew I was in trouble when they started off with "What's happened to the sweet potato's? We've been coming here for years and we always order sweet potato's." Then they wanted to know why w...

It's hard to have a 'case of the mondays when you can't even really remember what day it is. I don't think that's a bad thing at all either. I love it in fact. Not having a traditional job is where it's at. Today's fun fact of the day! I'm not struggling for money by any means. I do want to pay everything off really quickly though. I hate being in debt. This has caused my shoulder to tense again. I thought it was from lifting trays laden with heavy plates and food, but alas, it is my right shoulder that is spasming and I lift with my left. Friends are awesome. Especially friends with families who have the 'hook up' and that's all that I'll say about that. The long term cure is getting a great paying job with a minimal amount of work though. That would make my muscles relax! DREAM BIG! I had to break down and buy new pants. I went to ROSS because everyone knows you can 'dress for less' there! It's a crazy experience clothes sho...

So now that the summer season is 'officially' over, I've become obsessed with finding a job that pays A LOT. I'm still keeping the job at Jakes because it is still pretty good money for the amount of hours that I work but I've almost entirely been cut to weekends now.  I took some photos of the sky right before Gustav came rolling in. They didn't amount to much at all, but they were pretty to look at in the distance. The tide/surf is still high and I imagine it will stay that way since we have three more storms coming in. It rained all day yesterday, which was kind of nice in my opinion. It's very sunny today though. I hope to go out and enjoy it while I put in applications and drop my resume off. I think I'm going to teach myself how to sew. Some of my pants are almost unwearable because they are so long and baggy. I should be able to fix that..I would think. My thinking has gotten me nowhere fast before though. We'll see. I saw Tropic Thunder this...

How is Hurricane Gustav affecting me? It's not. Not at the moment anyway and the time is 11:38 pm. Very windy for sure, but only sprinkles. We've all been keeping a vigilant watch on this storm. The weather channel loop can be repeated by any one of us at any point. I've learned the meteorologists name's and what they wear and how their face expressions change when they get new information and then how incredibly bored they sound when they have repeated the same exact information for the thousandth time just using different adjectives and verbs.  I took a break from all of that today and spent time battling the stormy seas. I'm told I need to be more friendly with the sun, but I don't play well with others. I fought the ocean and the ocean won. But it was a good, fun, fight. Even if my troops catch crabs and then scream when they move. Or fall down in the strong current and are generous enough to latch on to me and take me down with them. I don't even care i...

My normal 'waking up' time has become anywhere between 10 and 12:30. I kind of like it. Years of waking up for school and years of waking up at 5:30 for work has really made me enjoy my sleeping in time. So even though there are people out there who roll their eyes and say "oh, it must be nice" take heart....it is! I'm not taking it for granted one bit. I had to run an errand today and just as we were pulling out of the neighborhood I get a call from work. It's 3:30 and they are asking if I can be there by 4. Absolutely! I need the money even though business has been slow. We turn around and I throw my shirt on and grab my cards then I'm out the door.  It wasn't terrible this evening. Very slow until about 6ish. It astounds me how unobservant some of my coworkers are. I'm learning quick that you want everyone to be your friends. ESPECIALLY the hostess and the cooks. But everyone is important. There is a server I work with who doesn't even know ...

I had a couple of -firsts- last night. Quite interesting, I must say.  I got to work around 4. It's really windy and overcast. We had a storm the night before that was much more intense than anything Fay ever thought about producing here. I have huge picture windows in my room so I could really watch the lightning. Anyway, I digress. I get there and we have little cubby holes that our pagers are put in for when food is ready and any cash tips that we don't have time to wait on the cashier for. They also put our paychecks in there. We get payed every week. I open my check and it's a big fat triple zero. $0.00 I thought that was the coolest thing ever. It's even signed! I'm totally keeping it. I actually made around $50 but it was all taken for taxes. Hilarity. Another first for me: Since it was sssoo slow I had lots of time to baby my tables. This one couple was so nice and I brought them extra bread and was talking to them about moving here from Tennessee. They went...

Poetic visions of heavenly moments captured in mental pictures as if by old-time cameras.  Black and white bodies with silken skin and moon kissed hair touch the stars to invoke color flavored scents of passion and whispered promises.  Only glimpses of things to come.  Only possibilities sprinkle the vast landscape of open minds and tease the back of the eyes  where dreams play on wide screens like drive in movies.  Extinct now, except where it counts.  Rarity causes sweet sensations across the tongue that hints at juicy strawberries eaten on sweltering summer afternoons.  Perhaps watermelon passed across the fullness of lips swollen from kisses. Endless roads mimic endless desires and dreams.  The scenery constantly changes and sleep is something vile. A cruel optical illusion no less tangible than aged lace found in an abandoned attic. A heart slumbers amidst the sands of the desert-like rib cage, rearing it's head to roar for it's mate unexpectedly and frighteningly loud. Im...

Still not much going on with Fay. Apparently the winds are supposed to pick up this evening but as of right now it's a little bit windy and it's sprinkling. SPRINKLING. I'm not saying I want gail force winds and tornados, I'm saying I want something. I feel this tangible tension in the air. Everyone is expecting -something- and nothing is happening. I'm getting impatient.  Work didn't go so well last night. It was so slow. They let 3 servers go and then made me the 'B'. That just means I was put in charge of all of the other servers side work. I had to check them off before they could leave for the night. Sounds way more important than it is, trust me. I didn't make much money and my last table of the night was full of really bizarre, ignorant, racist people. I think on any other night I wouldn't have cared. My cramps could have been an issue. I should have known what was coming, lol.  I took a picture the other night of the sunset. I might get s...

Not much to report here, really. I've heard a lot of concerns about Fay but it is still blue skies here. Maybe a little bit windy, but it's always windy on the beach. Supposedly we're going to see some remenants late saturday early sunday-ish. This thing has boomeranged and stalled out a lot though, so I think we have a lot of 'room' per se for changes in the forecast. Even now it's stalled out near Daytona.  I finished "Breaking Dawn". I have to stay for a book well over 600 pages it was disappointing and very anti-climactic. Two thumbs down from me. I won't go into any details, just take my word for it.  Went to a great place to eat last night called Santino's. It's similar to Quiznos I guess but sssoo much better! I had two slices of pizza, homemade. Great, great place. And the slices were only like $1.30 a piece and huge! I should have probably only eaten one but I was craving pizza.  I lost a friend on monday. I've never had to exp...

The instant I close my eyes I see Fragmented possibilities reflected in shattered shards of mirrors. The gleaming lights dance all around me in the Darkness behind closed lids. This waiting is making me feel like a caged animal inside, looking out behind invisible bars. When you have waited forever, is it possible to deal with a 'little while longer'? Time is no longer linear, I don't think it ever was. But getting there is half the fun, right?

It seems like all I do these days is write about 'serving'. I suppose it makes sense though since that is what I am doing. I do other stuff too though. Go to the beach, swim, find banks...sleep, sleep A LOT, watch movies, hang out. Said like that it seems kind of boring, but I like it. Tonight wasn't a great night. There were some fun points though. I started off with a really bad headache so that was the first strike. I get there and 3..yep, count 'em 3 servers had called in. That bumped my section up to 7 tables. My sidework was also the dreaded tea. This is quite possibly the worst sidework that you can get!! It means that when you are scrambling to fill people's drinks, get their bread, take there orders...you still have to run back to the kitchen to make sure that the vats of tea are filled and you have to do this the whole entire night!! It sucks MAJOR!  Turns out I was also the only female server tonight. That just meant that I was teased mercilessly. I'v...

I got off of work a little early so I thought I'd post a little bit. I went in early too, hence the getting off early. We were pretty slow though. I didn't make very good tips and I only had 3 tables. They were never filled either. Oh well, can't have great days every day.  Sidework is...well, sidework. Fill dressing containers, make sure butter is on the table, stock everything, get the drink machine operational. It's not terrible, I kind of like it actually. Makes time go by quickly. It's very messy work though.  I had some interesting questions this evening. I suppose since it was slow and I had more time to spend with my tables, it's bound to happen. o  This gentleman ordered a ribeye steak but kept talking about the 'fish'. Finally he says, "I'll have the steak, but can I have a 'bite' of the fish on the side? I've never had grouper before and I'm wondering what it tastes like." I blink a couple of times, my mind scramb...

Good day off yesterday. I think a lot of things were put on the table and addressed and processed. Doesn't mean I have to like everything, but it's good to take stock of your situation every once in a while. You can't always be forging ahead, oblivious to what's around you. I'm sitting with my back to the couch, listening to Tegan and Sara and eating the last of my cheez-it's. I'll have to remember to get some more when I go to the store today. I'm definitely going through a phase. I have the weirdest cravings sometimes. At least it's not pepperocins and milk this time. Question the resolution of ribs to keep such a beating creature at bay Muscles quiver, ready to run Thoughts and confusions, curiosity keep feet rooted, begging to stay planted in unfamiliar soil A tortuous cleansing of cluttered spaces Organized voids open to collect dust from the tumultuous whirlwind of constant searching and hiding A game to be played, we must break the rules along...

Another day off, wwweee!! Things are going good with the job. My left arm is killing me! I'm so weak, lol. After a couple of hours of lifting trays my arm starts to shake when I sit them down. It's kind of embarrassing but who cares? I got into an 'ice' fight with the bartender last night because we were sssooo slow. He ended up squirting me with soda water. I was soaked and cold for the rest of the night. Also, the cooks keep asking for my phone number. I feel weird saying that because who am I? Found out last night that they are on work release from prison! HAHAHAHA They would ask any female on two legs out, I'd imagine. It's fun to tease them though. It' s a lot of hard work. Washing trays, keeping the dressings stocked. I sweat a lot. But it's fun too. Always different and good money. I know I keep saying that. Probably starting to sound like a broken record now.  I feel restless today. I actually woke up before 9:30!! Believe it baby. I'm lookin...

I think it's just what I needed. A mental holiday from having to think and so much responsibility.  On my second day of serving I got 7 tables and not only that but one of them was the largest table in the restaurant, a 9 top. It was also 'KIDS NIGHT' which really is just an evil metaphor for 'hell'. They are messy creatures! Not to mention the blank stares when I ask 'Who got the coke?' But for all of the quirky, frustrating little things, it's ssooo much fun!! You run your ass off but it's a challenge. And it's so laid back. You are in charge of your little world for the hours that you work. You go back to get drinks and the cooks throw okra at you so the next time you go back you slip ice down their shirts when they aren't looking. You start to go into the weeds and the bartender calls you up and hands you a ginormous glass of ice water. A guy you met just yesterday helps you carry out the salads. You notice a table you walk by that's ...

Welcome back to our regularly scheduled program. I like the layout of blogger better and it spell checks as I go. I don't think Mac's like Livejournal formatting very well. Of course Macs don't like formatting in general so that is probably a mute point. I went to the beach yesterday afternoon. It was HOT!! I only lasted about 30 minutes. I was all sweaty and sticky so I came home and took a really cold shower. I was still really hot for about 2 hours afterwards. I definitely prefer the beach at night or when it's overcast. Needless to say, I think I am going to be a very pale girl forever. I need new sandals. I wear them -everywhere-!! I just got them a few months ago and already they are tattered. It's insanely easy to go barefoot here...all the time! I love it and so do my feet. Went to the bookstore last night. I have so many books to read now. I actually have my hands on "Breaking Dawn" which is a big deal if you know anything about the 'Twilight...

I'm road tripping. My blog will be updated at the following location. Enjoy it! http://shdwdancr9.livejournal.com

I wrote a pretty heartfelt and emotional story last night and actually posted it here. I woke up this morning and thought it was a little too personal though. It was a conversation between me and my grandmother. What I thought she would have said to everything that's going on. I even cried. I felt better after I cried. It didn't change anything though. Maybe we have to change instead of the situations we find ourselves in. The tumor is pressing against the spine - Constant pain - Chronic fatigue Cysts - Ultrasounds Bloody urine - staph infection - complications - Complete disregard Helpless Critical observations of everything and everyone Tension - Snapping - Guilt Self doubt - Confusion - Anger Nightmares every single night Bad decisions - Constant disappointment Endless Accounts - Endless routines Watching someone struggle to keep their head above the water Being the one that pushed them in Helpless - Guilt Visualizing thrown punches and bloody knuckles I run faster and farth...

Fear lives within me It creates excuses Do I even possess courage Or am I mistaking it for Stupidity Impulsive to a point Responsible to a downfall A stick stuck in the mud of righteousness oozing with The Past Am I afraid to fail or afraid to fall Coffee flavored mornings tickle my brain. I can't stop thinking about it. I had a dream about it. I dreamed I couldn't breathe. It felt like my lungs kept getting smaller and smaller. Panic took control of my body and I squeezed my eyes shut against the world. I fell to my knees and wrapped my arms around my stomach willing my lungs to expand but they kept shrinking. My lips started to tingle and my hands were turning to ice. Usually it's very dark in my dreams. Always night or dusk, but it was so bright this time. I couldn't tell where the light was coming from. My eyes started to tear up even while they were closed against the brightness. I tasted something very metallic but was too panicked to know if I had bitten my ton...

I hope everyone had a great fourth of July. I started mine off with food poisoning. Sushi was had for dinner and it was sooo good. Unfortunately it was coming back only an hour after consumption and it did not taste good the second time. I threw up so much and for so long I actually fell asleep on the bathroom floor curled up in the fetal position. I went to bed and lined my small trash can with a plastic bag. I would lie down and then my stomach would lurch so I'd sit up and just hug the thing, puking for a couple of minutes before falling back down. There was no way that I had that much in my stomach. I woke up and was still feeling slightly sensitive. I tried sipping water because I could feel myself getting dehydrated, sticky mouth and all. We had talked about going hiking today so I rolled out of bed. Surprisingly, my stomach felt alright and I decided that I could probably handle it.  With no map and no plan we headed out west to Fall Creek Falls. Why state parks are surroun...

I think someone is partying with the invisibility cloak. I was called on it and now I call you. I got an email back with negative feedback. Not bad just non- existent I don't know what to make of it I want to bury my head in the sand and dream good dreams of worlds that don't exist but should My room is gone, changed, different Visuals live and disappear We need a signal, where is the superhero to save the day? Can you hear my message through the veils? Do my words cause turned heads and deaf ears? Is karma biting me in the ass? What will the grand canyon look like to one person? Are you one person to the world and the world to one person? Does the world keep moving but you can't? It's like waking up in the middle of a dream paralyzed and silently screaming. I vomit thoughts like spectacular food cherished but can't possess  Kickball antics to my gut places familiar spots owned.  I haven't seen you around. Riddles....abound

Still nothing. Full of second guessing. Obsessed with 2012 and Alien abductions. Succumbing to apologetic visions of Compasses held and given Put the puzzle back together or ache forever, never settle I'm seriously considering employing the services of a psychic. Maybe I need a therapist more. At least immediate environments are scrubbed, cleaned, and rearranged . Change of pace, not enough. If I show up now, will I always wonder? Will there exist doubt forever? Trust could never be reborn. What if? What if? I keep having bad dreams. I've become a clock watcher for no apparent reason. I check the time and don't see numbers, they matter not. I'm not waiting. I'm making sure it's still ticking. I listen to music without lyrics because words burrow. Faster, deeper, intricate, and louder. Drums all encompassing while synths scream. Pound the beating of my heart. Chase away these waking ------ms.

My ear is infected, maybe. It's swollen, red, and hot. It's not draining though. I've been doing salt water soaks which helps. I'm not taking this bad boy out though, well unless my ear starts to fall off. No reason to be silly about it. My weekend was physically relaxing. I decided to let my body recover from the constant exercising . I still watched what I ate and I did walk a mile or so, but just walked. I'm ready to jump back into it this week though. I've come to really like how my muscles ache just a little bit. I know that sounds crazy. I also did get to see "Wanted". I thought it was good. Most of the effects have been done before and I really didn't like the ending very much. I think, maybe, it's a movie that you have to watch more than once to really appreciate it. I'm really excited about my trip but I haven't heard any news from dear old 'dad'. Will I still go if he doesn't want to see me? I think I need to.

Personal things taken too far None of my business-----I shouldn't look Only connection, abandonment hurts but not as much as words do Hit - me -, kick - me -, throw your words at - me - Opinions are free and a right we all have Innocent bystanders don't deserve words like that Don't take it personally, I know I shouldn't----but it is It's because of me the words are spoken even if they aren't about me specifically Instinctually hurt rears it's head sucker punch to the gut Then anger takes notice and jaws clench The person I care for doesn't exist I want to scream until my face turns red and I can't breathe Innocent people, the story is unknown assumptions make asses of people  and the fire is spreading It's ironic. I noticed a riff, some angry words were said I sat and worried, I didn't want the friendship to end Sure, she never liked me and has said some pretty terrible things about me. I could and can handle that. For some reason, no matte...

Good days and bad days, emotional ups and downs...gotta love being human. I find the quirks of psychology very interesting. How do we shift moods so easily and sometimes with no discernable reason? Today is a good day so far. I'm not having a terrible hair day, my clothes look decent, and no dramas have suddenly popped up (knock on wood). Look for the silver lining and don't take it for granted. Focus on the positive. It's okay to acknowledge the negative, but try not to focus on it. Confusion however is another matter entirely. I find that I have to chew on that for a LONG TIME. I find myself visualizing the different pathways and consequences. Time consuming and sometimes frustrating. Life wouldn't be interesting without ups and downs though, right? In other news I really want to see WANTED this weekend. Hopefully we'll make it to a showing. I'm dog sitting and walking. Gotta make some cash to buy some tires and get maintenance for my car. If anyone has some...