Frame of Reference

I was lying in bed last night, fighting to sleep amongst the many times I was awoken, when I suddenly remembered my tupperware in the refrigerator at work. I literally felt my heart speed up, my adrenaline release a ridiculous amount of juju in my stream. They clean the fridge every Saturday and throw everything away that is left in there. I totally forgot to get it when I left work. (Which happens often) I was experiencing a mini panic attack OVER TUPPERWARE!! What have I become?? I talked myself out of it and was reiterating the ridiculousness of the whole situation while I was clocking in. I saw my tupperware in the sink. Someone took pity on me. I was way too elated. I need a life desperately. We have been slammed with military going home. It's so sweet to see yet it's also exhausting. It's like an abercrombie commercial on a constant loop for 8 hours and unfortunately, the naivete can get old very very quickly. But I always maintain my patience. It's my coworker...

Possibly my best yet. One of my favorites, anyway. Colored pencil.

I think he has three teeth coming in at the same time. Definitely two. Frozen carrot. It was literally "too cold to hold." I haven't gotten much sleep the past two nights. Work has also picked up because of the holiday's. I'm noticing that I'm a lot more numb to the angry people than I have been. I'm not sure if that's good or bad. I think I'm repressing so much in one area that my feelings are bottlenecking in another area. I'm going to try my hand at natural remedies for anxiety for the next 5-10 days. Herbs and oils. If it works, I'll go longer, if it doesn't, well, it doesn't. There are trailers playing on t.v. for the movie "The Secret Life of Walter Mitty"with Ben Stiller. I really don't have a huge interest in seeing it. It only caught my attention because I find myself having the same, exact, vivid experiences. Even in slow motion, especially at work. I'll put my headphones on and just "zone...

"Hard hearted, don't worry, I'm ready for a fight" ~Tegan and Sara Caiden is getting tooth #3. Upper front tooth. I can't believe how excited I am for a babies milestones. It's indescribable.

I tried my hand at making zucchini bread this evening. I think it turned out pretty phenomenal. I've never had it before so I have nothing to compare it to, but everyone likes it okay. I think cooking tends to focus my energy and help with my anxiety. Better than drawing. I feel pressure when I draw. I don't hold myself to any standard with food like I do art. I'm finding that I like cooking very much. I'm getting a bonus at work, surprise to anyone that we are getting anything, considering the shut down and all. I suppose, sometimes, life isn't always as bad as we imagine it. If we get out of our heads and imaginations, it's all pretty manageable. Wren is still pooping inside of the house. I'm at my wits end.

Frenetic, Kinetic, Stopping "What happens when an unstoppable force collides with an unmovable object"?

Why do I fight so hard for the things that are so unsure?

I had an awesome dream where I could levitate green balls. Not very far or very high. I was making them go through different obstacles. I'd have to use hand motions to make myself focus and I lost focus very easily. I was either trying to teach my coworkers how to do it or convince them that I was the one actually doing it. Fast forward into the most realistic nightmare that I've had in a long time. Bailey and I had walked outside of a house. There was a manicured front lawn with a palm tree, encircled by rubber mulch and white stones. We walked past a car in the driveway and was just about to pass the short palm tree when an alligator stood up and ran "or ambled in the way that alligators do" to the parked car. Unbeknown to me, Wren was under the car. Before she could run the alligator had her in his mouth. The most horrific part was that she didn't die right away. She was making the most awful mewing sound.