Frame of Reference

I finally got my hair cut for the new year.

It's hard to believe the year is coming to an end. I've started a new a drawing which I am so excited about. I almost hate to finish it because it's recently become apparent that I'm not exactly on a drawing streak or anything. Mini vacation to snowy mountains was awesome even though it didn't quite work out like I had hoped. I will not soon forget the Bailey Event. A vet visit, bookstore adventures, photography, and sleep are in my future for 2011. So is this (which doesn't at all seem pleasant!): Jupiter and Uranus are going to be tag teaming it in your constellation this year. They don't have to, really!!

I cause the fleeing. Not necessary. There is no chasing. I'm always the one being chased in my dreams. I had one of the strangest last night. I'm in a helicopter on the ground, next to a very huge sky rise. A man is piloting the aircraft and he's my brother. We're in a hurry and waiting on a very well-to-do woman and her brother (who is mentally handicapped and in a wheel chair). It's a cloudless sky yet there is...a cloud/substance as tall and wide as the building and touching the ground. It is so dense that it seems viscous. It's greyish black with large splotches of brown. It's moving slowly but steadily towards the building and the helicopter. The wind is picking up and I look towards the building. She's finally coming, pushing her brother in front of her. I hop out and lower the gear to get his chair on. We're all buckled in and my brother takes flight. We almost clear the roof. I can't stop looking at the cloud. It seems to be right on top ...

Some people say, "Just don't think about it." Others deal by writing it all down. Maybe some people even go to therapy and talk about it. I remember driving. I remember listening to crazy songs and looking at the stars. It didn't matter what time it was. It didn't matter if we had something to do the next day. We'd just pile into the car and go. I'd always take my shoes off and put my feet up on the dash board. I'd wiggle my toes inside of my socks and grin at the disdain. I remember even farther back with my grandmother. I remember the little drummer boy was one of her favorite christmas songs. I also remember her singing every single word to Hard Candy Christmas by Dolly Parton. Whenever my grandmother sang, she always danced too. Even if it was just swaying her hips. Most of the times she'd grab me or one of the dogs and twirl around and around. Those were the days when ice cream solved every problem. I guess my point is that I 'deal' by...

This is me, using my words:

You see footprints in the snow I feel snow in the wind with the breath of arctic sighs and whispered goodbyes Talked in circles and no angles born bricks are being carried under the scorn of tendrils that were not always riven When the shadows depart, vexations arrive but the heart swells for moments given Bottomless brown eyes beg for relief for what causes the pain to walk on legs strong in the light but weakened by night

We can put duct tape on our mouths so that we can't talk. Someone needs to invent a duct tape for brains, so that we can't think. It's incredibly frustrating to have thoughts that you can't speak. As a consequence you just end up thinking about them that much more. My stomach is incredibly angry at me, I think. It shouldn't be after yesterday. But here we are again in the evening hours, listening to angry rumblings. Silver lining? I will HAVE to have lost weight after this fiasco. I will continue to stare at this blank canvas. Look beyond the feathers and see the eyes, or see beyond the eyes to the feathers?

I'm having pluming issues. The project is completed and this makes me immensely happy. I am 95% done christmas "gifting". The relative of C should be here in two days. This always makes me shake my head in wonder at the sibling dynamics and how some people just break molds entirely. I wish that I could buy patience for certain people and inject it into them while they sleep. Although, now that I think about it, the laissez-faire attitude does come in certain chemical varieties. Things that make you go, Hhmmmmm. Speaking of, Bailey has taken to squeezing herself under the spare bed. This is a ridiculously small space and I can't even fathom why she would want to experience that. Maybe she likes the dark and quite enjoys the feeling of confinement.

Happy Birthday to Britney Spears!! And to my mom! Seriously, my biggest hero. She's shown me that anything is possible, over and over again. We've been partners in crime, tourists from Russia, Interior decorators, plumbers, vampires, models, Road trippers, vacation planners, Puppy snugglers, teachers, stalkers, and shoppers among many other things. Most importantly, though, she's my best friend. No matter what happens, I know that she'll always be there for me and I her for her. I am so glad that I get to help her celebrate her birthday and I hope that every single one to come is as great. The family pets generously volunteered to model for our annual Christmas card this year. It was rough sailing at some points. My life was threatened and my heart strings were tugged. I escaped with zero scratches and they were amply rewarded with yummy treats for their patience. So, no animals or photographers were harmed during this photo shoot. Though, I swear that you can see Wren ...

A 6 a.m. wake up call to the smoke alarm was not how I wanted to start my day. It is not how I would wish to start ANY day! I was told that I handled it well, but I was falling apart inside. My entire body shivered for what felt like days. And then it was over. I received the most amazing compliment about my pictures ever. Wow. Tammy wrote: "I look @ your photos as about the only way Im ever gonna travel.Thanks. You show me pictures of places I would'nt see otherwise. Beautiful."