Frame of Reference

"You say that you love rain, but you open your umbrella when it rains. You say that you love the sun, but you find a shadow spot when the sun shines. You say that you love the wind, but you close your windows when wind blows. This is why I am afraid, you say that you love me too." (I've searched everywhere for the origin of this passage. Most have it credited to William Shakespeare, but I don't think it's his style. I found a site that said it was derived from a german text, but still can not find the author. Speaks to me anyway, so I will credit "Anonymous" Spray paint I did as inspiration for the skateboard deck.

Silence. It's my new enemy. Don't get me wrong, I love silence in my head. But silence that is forced upon me is.....hell. What else is giving me problems? THE SKATEBOARD DECK.

In High School I did an oil painting of a killer whale among planets, a la "Lassen". From that moment on I decided that I was not a painter. I have a lot, A LOT of respect for painters. The control wasn't there. I couldn't shade or control the brush like I could pencils. I decided this week to give it another try. I mean, heck, I never thought I could be a server. I never thought I could do a lot of things. But I did them. I like how it's turning out. I've really surprised myself, well almost. It's not finished yet and I could very well screw it all up before it's over. I've also registered for an art contest of sorts. It's at a local skate and surf shop. I got my skate deck today. It has a purple top. Made me smile. Just gotta narrow down ideas for painting it by next week. The judging will be on gallery night, the 16th I think. It's small scale, nothing major, but it's all public which is kinda scaring the crap out of me. I just know ...

I've been listening to my last fm music almost constantly. I think I've built up my library enough to where it actually plays decent recommendations. At least stuff that I don't have to skip through so often. Been sketching a lot. I found this really cool photo of Emma from the band Sick Puppies. I liked the perspective. I also like the effect of it not looking quite finished. Mixing realism and flat 2D is kinda cool. I've also been flipping through Stumble. That is an awesome thing. It's very inspiring. Found this cool site about photographs. It's like .... POST SECRET but Not, but Kinda. Dear Photograph I wish things were different. I wish I could change the past. I wish that people could hold onto things like I do . But maybe I am the one in the wrong . Maybe you aren't supposed to hold onto anything at all. Or maybe I will just learn to be content with my differences, some day. I have this vision in my head. I'm a very visual oriented perso...

I had a very bizarre dream last night, when I finally was able to sleep. I tossed and turned and read and stared at the ceiling until 4 a.m. I think I was trying too hard to shut my brain off, so naturally it went into over drive. I found myself in a huge 4 story mall/building/warehouse type structure. I know what the outside looks like which is weird because I was never outside during my dream. I remember there were a lot of people, and we knew each other somehow. It was storming outside. I kept looking at the ceiling tiles just waiting for lightening to come through or one to be ripped off. I get the feeling we were looking for shelter but to no avail. A few of us got into the elevator to go into the parking garage. I remember the buttons said 4 - 3 and then the other floors were just indicated by dots and slashes. _.. ._ As soon as the doors opened water started gushing into the doors and this huge grey pick up truck turned it's lights on and revved it's engine. There was ...

Scratch it. Peel the skin away. I feel the tension building. It's funny how humans need to release and express emotions. It's funny. Consensus of my hair. Boys dislike VERY much. Girls like. It's funny. Filling up my sketchbook! Filling up my dreams. I had three. Do you see movement where there is none? It's funny.

Today is going to be a better day! Two sea otters hold hands while they sleep so they don't drift apart.

Dwell and digest. Breathe and wake up. Get inspired and grip silver linings with teeth and nails. If you google dirty car art, this guys gallery should pop up. It's amazing! It's tragic that it's so temporary, but I also like that concept too. I think it makes one appreciate it even more. "If you could only see the beast you've made of me I held it in but now it seems you've set it running free The saints can't help me now, the ropes have been unbound I hunt for you with bloody feet across the hallow'd ground" ~Florence + the Machine~

Friday was a day of fear. It started with fear and ended with fear. I hate it. It makes me feel weak and vulnerable. In the morning I feared my own body. I experienced pain so bad it made me drip with sweat. I felt dizzy and nauseated and didn't know which way was up for a moment. The rest of the day I ached. It was dull and constant. I go to bed fearing what might come through my window. Literal monsters under the bed and in the closets. Bailey isn't leaving my side. I wish that things were different.

Smeared thoughts mimic paint on canvased walls If only my hands were stained with art instead of the past I'd hold them up for you and wouldn't be ashamed of my falls That echo and reverberate through blank and endless halls

I was so intrigued by this woman. She had such a look of disdain on her face the ENTIRE time she was on this balcony, yet she posed like she wanted attention. Her whole demeanor was very odd. One of my very favorite views of the city! The coolest balcony I've seen yet. I think there is even a bed up there! I couldn't really see to be sure though. Plush furniture either way. I want a baby. More seriously now than ever. It's funny to think that when I was growing up I maintained that I would NEVER EVER have a child. I can remember walking through a wal mart parking lot with my mom telling her that I can't believe she had kids and that would never happen to me. Kids are obnoxious and loud and way too much trouble. Besides, you always have to think about them. My mom just said "That'll change when you get older." I laughed at the absurdity of my mind EVER changing. Yet here I sit, envisioning holding a tiny little human that I helped to create. That wo...

I don't think that I can properly put into words how this past weekend has made me feel. I will think about it. I did get a few good shots of New Orleans architecture. I saw a crazy wicked dance/acrobatic team perform on the street. I saw a child with bottle caps tap dancing for tips. I feel as if I have run the gamut of emotions. I think everyone involved did. So enough with words right now. They aren't doing it for me.

Slivered perceptions in broken mirrors like shattered hallways Never ending but hardly remember the beginnings that stay A few moments too long beyond the waking from a dream It's the noose of whispers that keeps us tied beyond the notions that sleep in daylight under many assumptions It feels..... as if something is winding down, something is changing. It could be that everyone is leaving. The tourists, the college kids, friends. It could be that the doctors appointment showed absolutely nothing wrong, like there was nothing EVER wrong. But it's slow. It's not happening all at once. It's like you wake up and it's the same day, but something is subtly different. Maybe it's the season changing. Maybe it's hormones. Maybe it's muttered facts that stop one dead in their tracks.

I am pretty much in shock. I took a few pieces of my art to a gallery/art store and the lady chose two to display! They are for sale and everything. I still can't believe she's going to display my stuff. The whole process has inspired me. I have a couple of ideas in my head for more drawings and such. I love experimenting with different media. Who say's you can't draw a pencil portrait on canvas or make a painting with nothing but a paper towel and spray paint?