Frame of Reference

I finally made the kitty litter cake. It tasted better than I thought! Crumbled up chocolate cake + Crumbled up vanilla wafers + Vanilla Pudding + Melted tootsie rolls.  Another gross edible treat tray I made. String cheese + Sliced Almonds + Strawberry Jello Powder for blood.   Not Halloweenish at all, but something I worked on for the better part of today.  My attempt at face painting. I think I could get better with practice! 

I am absolutely in love with the new show, Once Upon A Time. It is such a great show! I love the special effects, I love the plot, I love the characters. Well, Henry is a bit grating, but he's kind of essential. I'm hoping he'll grow into his character more. And a BLACK UNICORN?! Oh hellz yeah! So I was watching television this morning, flipping through movies. There was absolutely nothing on except this awful, AWFUL, movie called Altitude. The premise was a bunch of teenagers on a plane with a rookie pilot who must join together to battle paranormal forces. Yeah, It was as bad as it sounded. I dozed a bit and worked on my laptop a bit. The credits started rolling and who do I hear? TEGAN AND SARA! Their song "Divided" is playing during the credits. 'Cause I know I think of science fiction and plane crashes when I hear that song. It was so random and weird. Took a few pictures today that I was pleasantly pleased with. It's funny how I can spend a large a...

Why is luck portrayed as a lady? Because it's fickle, because it's unpredictable? Things that make you wonder. Everyone around me is sick. I suppose it's only a matter of time until it's my turn. Or maybe not. Maybe working in a doctors office has payed off to a certain extent. I'm not trying to jinx myself, though! Yikes. I am beyond frustrated. I feel like I'm spending all of my efforts shoving square pegs through circle openings. I feel like it's my mind though, my thoughts. And I could rationalize and the openings would become square. But I want to get to the point where there are no openings at all. I like that I have my 365 to focus on. It's hard and horribly inconvenient and it pushes me. If only I can continue to push myself to keep on it.

I finished the Night Circus. I would highly recommend it. The first part is a bit confusing, like I've mentioned. The imagery that the author writes/creates is fascinating. It really made me wish to be a part of that world. It was so..fantastical but so realistic. It's very hard to explain. I think my favorite line, summarized, of course is "There is nothing special or extraordinary about you. You weren't chosen out of many. You were simply at the right place at the right time." I watched 50/50. A very good, simple movie. Understated I think. Angelica Huston's character was so....different for her. I guess she will always be Morticia for me, or the witch that turned that little boy into a mouse. I can't remember the title. I hate it when that happens! "So are you, like, Doogie Howser?" "Ummm, who?" "The teenage doctor?" "Ummm, does he work here??" "Nevermind."

Dare I say that today has been a good day? Sure, there are issues. Sure, I still have no answers or guidance. Sure, I have to go to work. But gosh darn it I am handling it all a lot better today. With a smile even! Maybe it's the company, maybe it's me. We are in charge of our own happiness anyway, right? But laughter and goofiness certainly doesn't hurt. I love making people laugh, especially at my own dorkiness. I call it cleverness, but to each their own. Bailey is doing a bit better with her OCD and scratching. I think the antihistamines are starting to work a bit. She still acts like her skin is crawling sometimes, poor baby. And lastly, in my own fit of TOTAL GEEKERY.... I laughed out loud at this one... Why? Cause it's happened to me.

Does distance matter? How can you feel so close to someone when they are far away? How can you feel so far away from someone when they are standing right in front of you? Oceans between us yet ... I got a card from my dad. It's funny, I got it on the same day that I saw Tom. Mixed feelings all around about that and what was said and not said. I love the card though. It's right by my bed.    Almost finished with the Night Circus. It's gotten quite good!

...Doesn't Look Back...? Sarah B. It's over, technically. The last big weekend of the year. Shrimp fest is in the can. Really proud of my parental unit for contributing and participating. Never stops surprising me. Now the rumors in the mill will speed and procreate. Will we close soon, will this be the year that we stay open? I don't care either way. I don't have room inside to care for much. I turn it off. I want to turn all of it off, except the beauty. "Throw yourself into creativity." Maybe it will make the bad go away.

.. When I close my eyes .. I had the strangest dream last night. I dreamt of Tegan and Sara. I was hanging out with both of them. Feelings for Sara became evident. We kissed. Tegan was cool with it. Flash to an under water assignment of some sort. Almost like the old show SeaQuest. We were being "shot" down to an under water city/lab. I was going with a male. We had to hold hands and hold our breath. But we were allowed a certain number of breaths because the journey was a long one. I was holding his arm. We get catapulted, shot, whatever. After a few hundred yards I start losing sensation in my body. I grip his arm with my nails. I can only feel my nails digging into his arm. I am breathing very fast, too fast. I wake up and I am not in the under water facility. I'm angry and questioning the people around me. They said that I exceeded the allowed breaths. I took 154 breaths in a little over a minute or something crazy. I woke up soon after that. My chest was sore. My...

I hope to have that exact same thought right before I die. 

...If you knew, what I was left imagining... ~Billie Myers I am sick. Insert AND not OR. I am sick of people. Good news, fluid filled. No further actions need to be taken. Await further instructions or discomfort. I am self involved.

Last night I had a Lucid Dream. It only last for a few moments, probably seconds in reality, but I was still amazed upon awakening. I was in a vehicle, almost like a VW bus or a van because I was in the front facing everyone. I suddenly and jarringly realized I was dreaming. Like a huge dork, I decreed this fact to everyone present, as in, "Oh my god, I'm dreaming! I'm dreaming right now!" As soon as I said this the edges of my vision started to go fuzzy and semi-static like. I knew that I was going to lose the dream if I didn't ground myself. I grabbed the closest person next to me by their face and kissed them. I mean, really, passionately, kissed them. The colors snapped back into place and got even more vivid. A lot of yellows and blues. I had to of had a huge grin plastered to my face when I pulled away. I lost the dream after that. It's a good thing that I had a good dream to hold onto, seeing as my day wasn't that great. Not looking forward to tom...

Between last night and tonight there was a $400 dollar difference in my sales. The difference in my tips was $10. Such is life at a restaurant. So much. I hate the way I feel inside when I am told things. I wish there was a switch for emotional reactions i.e. responses. I'm on the precipice.

... You Always Say More. I got a haircut today. It is nothing like the explanation that I gave NOR the picture I had. I had a PICTURE and it was cut wrong. *sigh* I guess that's what you get for $15.00. Oh well, it is just hair and I know that it will grow back very quickly. Still, I have to be frustrated with it for at least the next 2 to 4 weeks. Had a great painting session in my garage this evening. I love that the weather is getting cooler and more outdoor activities can be partaken in. BEHOLD --> I'm not very good with water colors. I think I need to BLEND more, but it was very appropriate for October and I am down with trying new things. Cause you just never know what you will discover. Like sitting on a skate board can be just as fun as semi-riding one. Anxiety filled.... again. 

I'm really digging the song "Contrails" by Astronautalis. My favorite line? -  " What kind of fool is so stupid to climb a mountain to do it, Then climb back down to the town without a picture to prove it?" Tegan's vocals certainly don't hurt. I'm also reading The Night Circus  by Erin Morgenstern. I like the concept. I don't like jumping around in time as much. Backwards and forwards. She also switches point of view a lot, first person, third person, etc. I don't like that either. It really takes me out of the story. I appreciate the effort to be different than most popular fiction writers though. So I deal. We'll see. What's really embarrassing is that I keep getting the female characters confused. I had a moment of, "WAIT! I thought that was his daughter, not her!"

I need a new location. There are plenty around, it's just about being less self conscious and less lazy. I took Bailey to the park today. It was Barktoberfest or Bark in the Park. Either way, she had a lot of fun. I was really impressed. She had no aggression or fear for any other dogs. Even gigantic Mastiffs that came up to my arm pit. Seriously, looked like bears! She was wearing a skeleton "outfit" and blended right in with the fairies and lizards and football players. It was cute. A bit crowded and I get claustrophobic pretty easily. I need to snap a picture of her in her costume, but she was over it and wanted it off STAT. Work already? Seems like I just started my days off. October is going to be busy. I feel uneasy and anxious.