Frame of Reference

My wrist is getting worked out. As are my legs and my brain. To an alarming degree. I'm so tired that I can't even make complex sentences, or is it compound sentences? I'm also medicated because my uterine pain is increasing exponentially. I'm not pregnant. Apparently my exhaustion is causing me to use larger than normal vocabulary words. I find this entertaining. Social networking and the internet in general has become huge parts of our lives as human beings and in the way we interact with each other. So here's some food for thought. If you are in a relationship and your significant other blocks you from all social networking, what is that akin to? Is it minor or major? I need my financial aid before Wednesday. I have a lot to do!! Free trial on my satellite radio makes me one happy camper! I've toyed with the notion of books on tape but I am pretty sure that would put me to sleep. Funny outline of my day -> Wake up at 2:30am Out of the door at 3:0...

Happiness is a choice. ~Things that make me happy~ Reading Traveling Foot massage Making people laugh Being in nature Amusement parks Nephew's laughing Sleeping in Live shows Concerts Photography Date nights Holding hands Head rub Clocking out on a Friday Good dreams Miracles Getting compliments Awesome poetry Good news Tickling Wrestling with kids Making lists Holidays Discovering new music  Watching sunrise/sunset Gardening Getting sweet nothings Tattoos Clean sheets Tiramisu Coffee Looking at the stars Watching babies sleep Laughing

First full week of classes down. I was pleasantly surprised by how well I have adapted in some areas and I also got my ass handed to me in other ways, specifically chemistry. I accept the challenge to go out of my comfort zone and really work at this in order to make a good grade. Even at work when we do tests, the testers always say that "it's not about the point scale or grades, it's just about passing". It's not about that for me. I always want a good grade. I want to be the best. I guess I am a little competitive. A little. I strive for perfection! ... To a fault. Work and school at the same time is a challenge, but I like that as well. I think my mind is more occupied and I don't have time to dwell on things. That's a lie. No matter how tired I am or how much my mind is occupied, I still dwell. So here is to not being easy. I love the time that I've been spending with my family. Some visitors to come around labor day. That's going t...

"These words left unsaid... Are like wrecking balls in my head..."

Well, I survived my first day at college, again. I have my A.A. but that was at a state college in Tennessee. This was my first time being at an actual four year college. I maintain the campus is not user friendly, but it's very beautiful! Thankfully, I only have to traverse two buildings. Unfortunately, they are very far apart and I have 15 minutes between classes. I was thinking about getting a bike rack and just bringing my bike. Something to think about. My statistics teacher is very cool. I didn't think she was going to be at first, she was very quite. She is tech savvy and taught the class by writing on a Wacom. We also answered quiz questions with our smart phone. I thought I wouldn't be able to keep up but I had no problems and it was cool being able to participate in real time. My Chemistry teacher has a doctorate of/in... Chemistry. She's an older lady, kind of the epitome of a cat lady. She even told a cat story about how her cat wakes her up at 2am every m...

Very bizarre holes on the heel of my sock, interestingly, ONLY my right foot. (The one I had surgery on) I am definitely feeling challenged with school already. It officially starts tomorrow. I went again today to make sure I had the route down and got lost. The campus is not user friendly! Also all of these websites I have to sign up for and have access codes to. I like it though, at least I'm not sitting still overthinking things. Work is still challenging as well, just in a different way. It has challenged my patience and acceptance levels to no end. I am thankful that I have learned so much about myself and what I can maintain around so much incredible negativity. I am also thankful that I get to come home to my own home and beautiful little creatures whom love me unconditionally. Thought of the day: Start where you are.

A good day. Bittersweet. I closed a chapter in my life. Took all of my artwork off of the walls at the Gallery. Said goodbye to a lot of friends with the promise to check in every once in a while. I am truly blessed with all of the support that I am getting for this new adventure. I am very happy! You should have seen me putting this power point slide together. It took me an hour! I had to download software, create it, add a link, post it to this message board, and then comment on someone else's post. I feel like a dinosaur. I wanted to quit so many times, but I stuck with it and VIOLA! Spiffy too. New addition to the house. She seems to be adjusting okay so far. Actually, much better than I thought! I was a little scared even though I know it's for the best. I'm happy to see her so happy. I should be in bed but I'm still winding down from carrying all of the art and just letting it sink in. Also, since I am going to be educating my brain I thought, why leave my sp...

I'm stealing this from Vanilla Scotch and giving full credit where credit is due, this just sums it all up. I don't fall in love, I trip and land at the feet of a woman, awkward and clumsy, apologizing with every breath for my trembling hands and shaky speech, dusting myself off as I try to stand, scrambling to get away as fast as I can and waving off any helpful hand so they don't see how incredibly stupid I can be. So take me down, "love"- I'll fall when I leave.

I posted this on my Facebook page and it seems to be getting a lot of attention even though I see "selfies" from toddlers all of the time. Caiden plays with my phone often and I always go through it at night to delete the 30 pictures of the floor, or his forehead, or just blackness. The other night I came across this gem though. He changed the color, there is no filter at all on this. I love it. One of my favorites. Getting ready for school and I feel like a dinosaur already. Apparently now, we answer quizzes and tests in class using our smart phone or a remote control. I can see where it would be a lot easier on the professor as far as grading goes, but jeeze!! Welcome to the future, that happened fast! So freaking expensive too!! I honestly believe technology is going to be our downfall. (See? I sound like an old timer ha ha!) I miss Nick and the kids. I wonder how the first week of school went. I hate that it's so awkward that I can't even ask that without it ...

I'm watching the sun shining in through my back windows while the rain is falling. A huge clap of thunder just made my house shake and yet the sun is so bright. My horoscope:  Nearly anything goes today while the urgency of your feelings pushes you closer to a breaking point. You might believe that unnecessary rules of etiquette are restraining your desires, making you feel more impulsive about expressing what you want. Experimenting with new dance steps is exhilarating as long as you don't completely ignore the rhythm of the music. Step outside of the box now, but make sure you can find your way back home. A touch of moderation ultimately saves you from yourself. I'm getting all of my ducks in a row. Things are shaping up. Things are being crossed off. It is living life. You know what I find sad, though? When Micha dropped me. I thought we had become friends. And now her. It's a bizarre feeling... It's sad. Like losing family.

A got a call from the artist who is going to replace me at the gallery. That was awkward and bittersweet.

I'm disappointed at how things happened today with my family. I'm so glad I got to see my boys though. We had a lot of fun. I really hope Noah Doll gets better. It seems like he should be already with the antibiotics. I worry that I'm not doing enough. Last weekend before my life changes. Going to cross an item off of my bucket list either this evening or tomorrow morning. A date with a man. Who would have thunk it? Said goodbye to my aunt this morning. I do miss her in a way. I have grown to like having her around even though it challenges me to no end. A human being on this planet that looks me in the eye and tells me straight up that she will support me no matter what choice I make. If it's a bad one or a good one. No matter who I am as a person, she will always be on my side. She is a good person. Hard to get a long with and hard to be around a lot of the times, but she is a good person at heart. Deep down. Way deep down. A date with a man..... College classe...

I'm afraid of what's going to happen. I'm afraid of the choices that I have made that's going to set this all into motion. This is the calm before the storm. I will not let my fear rule me. This blog is a huge part of who I am. Only three people know that it exists. Only two people read it, well probably just one now. (Hi mom) And that doesn't matter because I don't write it for anyone, at all. I never have and I never will. I see the clouds and it's going to be one hell of a storm. 

There aren't many things that I regret in life. All of the bad decisions and all of the good have gotten me to where I am today. I think I am on the right track. Last night, however, I hit a major speed bump in the road to being a better person. I think it might have messed up the under carriage of my car in fact. I can sit here and write that I was a little bit too tipsy or that I was emotionally charged/damaged/raw etc. But, ultimately, what I did was all me and I am greatly ashamed by my actions. Everything inside of me knew that what I was doing was very wrong, I just continued to keep doing it. I kept pushing and even though I did get pushed myself, I shouldn't have lost control the way that I did. I woke up this morning and re-read what I had written and I didn't even recognize the person who could have possibly written those words. So of course, I want to 'fix' it. I want to do everything in my power to apologize and 'explain' and make it right. But...

Funny how a few words can negate everything that you write. Funny how someone's opinion can hold so much weight that it just hits the delete button for you.