Frame of Reference

"I'm slipping again I'm up to old tricks Off my wagon I have no defense I'm wreaking havoc Wreaking havoc and consequence If forgiveness is understanding than I affirm mia culpa for the millionth time from this toppling house of cards of mine I am beaten by my impulsiveness by this uncanny foreshadowing of regret 'cause I'm repulsed by restriction at least that's my excuse" Alanis ~ Havoc I love her lyrics. Incredibly, totally, love her lyrics. Is it normal to feel like reaching your friday is an incredible accomplishment? Shouldn't fridays be a met with a sigh of accomplishment, anticipation for the weekend? Isn't it wrong to feel like you've fucking climbed mount Everest and should be given the keys to the city after celebrating a holiday named after you... just for making it through the work week? I wrote my resignation. I left it on my desk after talking to HR. My coworker (unbeknown to me) handed it to the president...

My black cat doesn't chew her food. I read that it's okay for this to happen, however, I find it horribly disturbing. Things are a bit better emotionally speaking. I've either come a bit more to terms with what's going on, I've managed to convince myself things will change, or...I've shoved it into a box into the back of my head where it will resurface at a totally inappropriate and random time in my life. I'm betting on door number three. I've also discovered that Wren has a psychosomatic reaction to food. She freaks out if her food bowl gets low. I'm talking serious, pissed off, I will hurt the dog if you don't put more food in my bowl, attitude. Alas, it does not matter how much food is put into her bowl. It's literally the sound of the food hitting the side of the bowl. It's the visual stimulation she gets from not being able to see the bottom of the bowl. She's lost three pounds already because we fill it up four times a day wi...

Probably the worst St. Patrick's Day in memory. My head is still reeling. I keep thinking... work will distract you, just keep working. but a very funny thing happens when your body becomes physically exhausted. Your mind has free reign and it's not a good thing. You wouldn't expect this. You'd expect your whole being to become exhausted. Too tired to think? Know the expression? Just a fable. A story. I literally have no idea what my coworker at gulf said today. I know she wants me to work extra because she's going on vacation. I know that I told her I was working my normal schedule. I almost feel like I'm drunk or my blood pressure is messing with me. Hereditary, right? No? Maybe I could lose consciousness. That'd be awesome. Feint. Or maybe none of this is real and I'm going to wake up, realizing that I've dreamed the past couple of years. Someone called it something... something, someone. Graveyard fever, no.... punch drunk... no, shit I can...

Bailey had her staples out this morning. It took all of three minutes. She was not having the nurse take her back. She knows as soon as someone different is holding her leash. It's like a sixth sense. I had to walk her back and then they had to literally pick her up and carry her because she would not walk with the lady. Her nails kept scraping. I knew it would be better if I wasn't back there though. I had just sat back down and I heard her coming back down the hallway. I didn't hear a yelp or a scream or anything. I'm so happy. I was very worried that it was going to be a problem. She had 18 staples in her stomach!! They then handed me this picture -> Say hello to Bailey's stones. The ruler on the left are MILLIMETERS!!  I had the second meeting with the chiropractor and the trigger machine. I love that machine but I'm skeptical on this helping at all. I HAVE noticed that on my ONE DAY OFF, my back doesn't hurt at all. What's that about??...

I guess that spring break is starting for a some people. Certainly more people have been flying lately. A fellow employee had a day today. It started early. He was told he did something wrong. After that he just seemed to be getting called out for every little thing. He held his cool. Much better than I would have. I've had those days. Where nothing really goes right or it seems like everyone had a meeting that morning to make your day more difficult. I've never worked with such a large group of people before, day in and day out. Even at the restaurant it was only around 13 and we weren't so involved with each other. I don't like it. I find new things every day that people do that just annoys the hell out of me. And I think it's because I have that time. That empty space between flights to notice this shit. We all know that once you notice a certain tick about someone, that's all that you notice. I try to play games in my head to distract myself. Like compari...

Wow, I don't remember a time when the "time change" has affected me as much. Really kind of sucks to lose an hour of sleep when you already have to wake up at 2:30 in the morning. Oh well, at least it's sunday. Maybe I'll be able to fit in a nap instead of having to go straight to my other job. Yesterday was pretty awesome. I haven't laughed so much in a long time. Five year olds are the tickle MASTERS. Topped off with steak and shrimp for dinner? Lets get through this shorter day and talk about inane "Oh my gosh, it's this time already? Doesn't feel like it." Blah blah blah. It'll be good.

March Already. Bailey is doing very well. I hope getting the staples out isn't too traumatic. This was her first day by herself and she came through like a trooper. Medical bills keep rolling in. Figured when I signed up for this. I've said enough that Monday's suck. Monday's suck. Spasms suck. Spasms on a monday are awesome.

bewilder me with clarity as we lose patience with each other with the utmost sincerity are these wounds festering or is it the itch of the healing that we are feeling?