Frame of Reference

I am so happy. There are some rather unfortunate events happening in my life, however, I think it's good in a way too. Everyone is where they choose to be in their lives. Boys are just getting into movies. We've watched Toy Story and Moana at least 12 times. I feel a huge responsibility to do okay with them. Make sure they are healthy and get registered for school, do the occupational therapy, brush the teeth, keep the routine. Sometimes, especially when I have huge papers due or exams, I get a bit overwhelmed. I just remember that they don't know the pressure that I am under, they have no clue how tired I am, and nor should they...ever. I am happy.

Hopefully I'm on the upswing of getting out of this malaise that I've found myself in, in the past week. I need to get my head back in the game as far as classes are concerned. I am grateful for the good luck that I have and I am not taking it for granted. It makes me laugh, the irony of it all. The concerns that I have and don't have. I think it just reinforces what I am here for and what I'm not here for. I feel very confident in that and the little things that happen, the coincidences, the luck, etc. just bring it on home for me. Saw a cool, little video about a Jewish Rabbi talking about love today. He told a story about a man watching another man catch and eat a fish. He asked the man "Why did you kill and eat that fish?" The man replied, "Because I love fish!!" Basically he's wrong. If he loved the fish he wouldn't have caught it and killed it. He loves the way the fish tastes. That's kind of how we translate love erroneously. We o...

When you put a quarter into the fortune teller machine and rip open your ribcage to display your heart like exhibit-A When you point to white board drawings and trace lines of scars road-mapped over your soul like exhibit-R When the tears mimic the movements of dreams splashing into splinters on the cold concrete floor like exhibit-C There will be no response from the machine the lights will not blink and flicker You are going to have to console yourself It was just a quarter, after all.

Today was a bit rough. I don't know... spring break has given me too much time. My mind wanders. Being hormonal doesn't help. I feel like I should lock myself into a bunker but then what if it doesn't go away? Thursday's are not my favorite days.

Spent a pretty penny today at the dentist. I had to have my annual x-rays and with no insurance, that can add up. I did discover I get health insurance through my work, however, I don't think that what I need covered will be covered. Such a racket and such a game. Frustrating. My mouth is so sore too. I haven't been flossing as well as I should but compliments from the dentist are always treasured. Boys are awesome. The eldest is testing his boundaries constantly. The youngest is just being a toddler. I felt so awful today because every single time...EVERY..SINGLE..TIME.. that he gets into his car seat he wants to buckle himself in. I always let him. I have never not let him. Today he started the whole "I wanna do it, lemme do it, I wanna do it." I kind of raised my voice and said I ALWAYS let him do it I DON'T EVER NOT let him do it, he does NOT need to start that monologue of "Let me". I paused and took a breath and noticed his bottom lip was quiveri...

It's been too long since my last entry, for my liking, anyway. The word 'busy' does not fully encompass my life. I'm holding it down though. I might not be doing the best job, I'm certain someone else could probably do way better than me, but I am doing the best that -I- can do and to me, that feels like a win. I am immensely proud. I make a lot of mistakes but I learn from them. Like, don't give a two-year old a bath and then give them a fudge popsicle. When one of them says they hurt, ALWAYS look. I'm treading water with school. I'm actually doing pretty well. This coming week will determine whether I pass Botany or not. If I don't make a certain grade on my test I will probably have to withdraw and try again this summer. Looking forward to spring break. I've thought about volunteering for more hours at work during that time off from school, but no. That's a no go. I need a little bit of a break.