Frame of Reference

Dreams. About 4 in half years ago I had surgery on my foot. The surgeon broke one of my bones and put it back together with two pins. It apparently was growing crooked and the pins are to help keep it straight. Anyway it hasn't really given me any problems since then. The night before last I had a really strange dream that I was being prepped for surgery on this same foot. They were inserting IV's and giving me something to relax. One of the assistants was telling me that the doctor would be right with me and everything was exactly like a prep room before they wheel you back for surgery. Last night I had a dream that something bit me.....yes, on this same foot. I didn't see what bit me, and it wasn't bleeding. It was turning a bright bright red though. I wasn't that worried about it. For some reason the doctors I work for were there and didn't seem that worried about it either. But suddenly I couldn't breathe and my tongue was swelling! It was the weirdest f...

Hiya! I had an amazing christmas! My mom and I made this great breakfast pizza thing early this morning while we waited for my aunt to show up. We made a bisquit crust with shredded hashbrowns, scrambled eggs, and cheese...and some sausage. It turned out surprisingly well. Then, it was present time! woooo hooo!! We all really had a great christmas in the department. I think everyone got what they wanted and then some! I just wish I had tons of money to buy my family and friends EVERYTHING that they wanted. After that, it was homeward bound! Fun cleaning house ensued. LOL It was a good day!

Ding dong merrily on high, In heav'n the bells are ringing Ding dong! verily the sky Is riv'n with angel singing. Gloria, Hosanna in excelsis! I think that is my favorite Christmas carol! Well, this year anyway. Especially when it's sung by this woman with a British accent, just lovely! No comment, Harry! Ooohhh, and Trans Siberian Orchestra with Christmas Eve, Sarajevo ....oohhhh and Enya's Silent Night in Gaelic. *laughs* I'm soooo excited..just ONE MORE DAY! *jumps up and down excitedly* I will have to stay very busy tomorrow and wear myself out or I will not sleep at all tomorrow night. I know, I am like a child, and in more ways than one! But I'm just so HAPPY this year. It's shaping up to be an incredible year, full of incredible people...and I am a very lucky girl indeed. So, HAPPY HOLIDAYS to everyone!!

You say the word You know I will find you Or if you need some time I don't mind I don't hold on To the tail of your kite I'm not like the girls that you've known But I believe I'm worth coming home to Kiss away night This girl only sleeps with butterflies With butterflies ~Tori Amos I haven't even started my christmas 'gathering' of stuff. *grumbles* But oh well, I'm not really worried. Things have a way of working themeselves out. I really think people (me included) overthink things and worry too much! It can't really be helped I suppose. It's really human nature to always want to fix a problem or get rid of stress anyway possible and as soon as possible. But sometimes, sometimes it's nice to just "not", to let whatever is going to happen, happen on it's own.

So I took this personality test. It was pretty accurate if I say so myself...here's me: INTJ = Introverted iNtuitive Thinking Judging To outsiders, INTJs may appear to project an aura of "definiteness", of self-confidence. This self-confidence, sometimes mistaken for simple arrogance by the less decisive. This is pretty true. I'm always told that I give a "snobbish" first impression. INTJs are perfectionists, with a seemingly endless capacity for improving upon anything that takes their interest. This isn't always a good thing. Especially where my art is concerned. I can never leave it alone because I always see these little mistakes. Personal relationships, particularly romantic ones, can be the INTJ's Achilles heel. While they are capable of caring deeply for others (usually a select few), and are willing to spend a great deal of time and effort on a relationship, the knowledge and self-confidence that make them so successful in other areas ...

I'm really feeling the Holiday Spirit this year!! Could be because I'm getting knocked over the head with it everywhere I turn! I mean, it's kind of hard not too when you are surrounded by holiday music, decorations, commercials, t.v. specials....oh and people who are a little bit -CRAZY- about the holiday. *lol* Now we just need one good snow, but preferably on Christmas Eve. One year, I would like that to happen. Wake up to a white winter wonderland on christmas morning. *sigh* Oh well, I hope everyone is having as great of a holiday season as I am!!

I feel the magic all around you It's bringing me to my knees Like a wannabe I've got to be chained to you Tell me it's madness I barely know you ~Savage Garden I loved them, and only two albums. It's a shame! Well, I took off half a day to finish up my sketchbook. Yeah, I got it into my mind that it was possible to do 40-something drawings in just a few hours. At the time, it sounded logical, it really did. Anyway, here I am working furiously to get these drawings done and putting layers of clear silicone rubber on this clay torso I'm working on as well (For future reference, clear silicone smells like....vinegar that's been left out in the heat for a week.) NAASSTTYYYY!! My class starts at 3:00. At 2:30 I am suddenly incredibly tired, so I take a 25 minute power nap and wake up just in time to throw my hair into a ponytail and grab my crap, then I'm out the door. I rush into class to find.......a note on the board. My instructor is sick and isn't coming...

Okay, work with me here. You are in a room and someone is talking or there is random noise happening, papers being rattled, mumbling in the distance. Then suddenly there is silence. Everything stops. HOWEVER!!! You hear this obnoxious buzzing/screeching noise...and you realize it's the lights. So you can do nothing but sit there and be annoyed and hope that your ears will become accustomed to it and eventually you will just be able to tune it out entirely.

Wow, it's been a while. I mentioned earlier that I've been a bit unfocused lately, that's my excuse. Only 3 more weeks of school left! I am soooo excited. I never suffered from senioritis in high school, so I am making up for it big time this semester! I skip, I procastinate, and I'm proud! *lol* just kidding. Well, it's thanksgiving week! This year has flown by! A couple of things I'm thankful for.... My family. I love you guys! My job. I really like the freedoms and it'll be five years this may, woo hoo. Although I do need a raise soon! My health...no medical expenses this year! Another yippeeee. I went with some friends last night and got my second tattoo!! It's two little wolf paw prints. Wolves are my favorite animal because they can be loners but they also have a strict sense of "pack". And for some reason they just seem very mysterious to me. I got them on my inner ankle, left foot...really low like right above my heel. I like them, bu...

Dusk used to be my favorite time of the day, when the lightening bugs came out and the sky turned a dark blue. But I think I've found a new fascination with Dawn. It's just so quiet and beautiful. I could just be being sentimental though. Here's a picture I took of the sunrise....

I'm so distracted and unfocused....it's insane!!

I was carrying my laundry across the grass with my headphones blaring and no one in sight to catch me lip sinc-ing when I saw this baby snake. It was like one of those moments in the novels you read in high school. The moments you end up discussing for like an hour, until you are totally bored of the subject. The main character's epiphany...yeah. Anyway, I watched it cross in front of me and all I could think of is "where is it going?" I mean, does it know? Is it self aware?....which led me to "where am I going?" Yeah, I know I'm being totally retarded and self-centered, but it made me laugh thinking back on it. Just another monday :p

I kind of have this recurring dream that I am going to perish in a car accident. Usually there is a tornado involved somehow and usually everyone just rolls their eyes and laughs when I tell them about some of my dreams. They can be VERY bizarre, but they ARE dreams for goodness sake! Anyway, I do have a point. Yesterday I was stopped behind a car in a very busy intersection of Knoxville when I got plowed from behind. My bumper is M.I.A. and my car looks quite the worse for it. And on top of it, the driver that hit me is only 16 and has a restricted liscense. I'm not upset really and I felt really bad for her. What bothers me is this awful luck I have with vehicles. I mean, if it was ME that was getting into all of these accidents and whatnot then I would have something physical to worry about and or improve. (like my driving skills). But no, everything that has happened has really been beyond my control.....therefore the fear is getting stronger that this trend isn't going to ...

I have discovered a new dimension of torture. Sitting in a smallish classroom while 14 people scrape plaster with metal hooks. It's like surround sound nails on a chalkboard x14. On top of that, I was sitting at a table where my fellow classmates decided to debate the bible and homosexuality while they scrape. I was clenching my jaw so hard I was seriously worried about cracking my back teeth. I want a t-shirt commemerating this event..."I survived stupidity and all I got was this plaster covered t-shirt". I've earned it! *grin*

Not quite since it's still like 90 degress! I can't wait for the crisp mornings, maybe with a little frost on the ground and the leaves all changing colors. Could possibly be my favorite time of the year, can you tell? I also like how mornings give you a different perspective on things, autumn or not. The sunrise just seems to bring hope or something, maybe I feeling that anything can be fixed. Yikes, I better stop now...I'm getting all philosophical. I seem to be in a very creative mood. Lately I've been in kind of a stagnant state of mind, not really wanting to do much of anything. Unfortunately with all of this creativeness I need focus because I want to do like a million things at once so I end up not doing anything at all. That'll be my goal, find the focus! ^-^

Sometimes it's wrong, sometimes it's hard....sometimes it's easier WHEN SILENCE BECOMES EVERYTHING BUT, AND LOVED ONES WALK IN STRANGERS’ SHOES, TIME SLOWS AND YET MOVES BEYOND MERE COMPREHENSION, SHOULD YOU BE WORRIED? MAYBE WHEN CONFUSION MURDERS REASON AND TAKES THE CROWN TO AMAZING APPLAUSE FROM ONLOOKERS AND SIGHTSEERS, WHICH ONLY LEADS TO DREAMS BECOMING REALITY, BUT WITHOUT REASON THE DREAMS NEVER WERE, THEY SIMPLY ARE- NIGHTMARES. INSANITY STARTS TO MAKE SENSE AND BECOMES COMFORTABLE AS ONE BLUE EYED GIRL CRIES TEARS OF SYMPATHY FOR WHAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME AGAIN.

So, I got a canadian quarter back in change from somewhere...I don't remember where, not important anyway, and I'm going to do my laundry. I put in three US quarters and the canadian quarter ( I never considered the machine would not take the money ). So I push the little contraption in and the machine starts - and out pops my three quarters and the canadian quarter. It takes me a minute to realize the implications of this phenomenon...but then I get it! Cue the light bulb!! Could this mean free laundry? Have I outsmarted the machine? But I am not one to (enter cliche phrase here:) I'll go with "count my chickens before they hatch" This could be a fluke you know? With butterflys in my stomach I wait impatiently for the washing cycle to finish so I can move on to the dryer and have my dreams come true. When it beeps I almost pee my pants. My hands shake slightly as I feed the quarters into the machine....and VIOLA! We have free laundry. I'm a genius!!!!!!...

I really hate to say things are going good, because I know just as soon as I do, something will happen. Call me superstitious. I really like this calmness though. I am the zen master! ;p I should probably start taking bets on when exactly the universe will beat my ass down for saying things are good. Useless, random bit of trivia. Enigma (the group) is FANTASTIC to draw to!

I know there are a million different types of chicken noodle soup out there, but I think I will always have a place in my heart for Campbells. Everytime I was sick as a child, my grandma and mom would make me campbells soup. However, as an adult, it's really not the same making it for yourself when you're sick. The soup tastes A LOT better with a big helping of sympathy on the side right next to the crackers. I was so spoiled...

You know you're 'growing up' when you miss your bed. I remember when I was a kid I could care less where I slept. Heck, I slept in a tent, on the floor, in a sleeping bag...it didn't matter. But now, whenever I go on trips, or find myself not sleeping in my bed :) I MISS it! Not many things come close to coming home to your own bed. I know I'm just being silly :) A picture I took over labor day!

Classes that is :p 1) Sculpture ~ I'm not a big fan because there isn't as much control as with drawing. But I believe in experiencing everything, even if you don't like it. 2) Abnormal Psychology ~ I'm thinking I get to learn about mental disorders and symptoms. Ya know, book stuff. No...no book. My instructor is one of those laid back, feet on the desk, eating a bag of chips type. Oh, and as long as you show up, you get an A. Which is fine, don't get me wrong...but I really kind of wanted to learn stuff in this class. It seems we will be watching a movie each class and discussing it. No tests, no final. And the movies include "One flew over the cookoo's nest", "Psycho", "A beautiful Mind"...etc. Yeah.... This would have been a dream come true in High School. But when you pay to learn, well, I kind of want my money's worth. 3) Spanish ~ Good Heavens! I took 2 years of spanish in High School, so some of it is coming back, but ...

I agree with the quote that things happen gradually and then suddenly. It's like little things change all the time, but you never notice, and then one day you wake up and everything has changed. Maybe even you . But if someone was to ask you, "what moment was the turning point? What got the ball rolling?", you wouldn't know...because it wasn't just one moment, it was a million moments. You just didn't notice them.

Here it is, the question of the day: Why, in made for tv monster movies, is the leading actor always from australia or england? It's a weird thing I've noticed. Probably some conspiracy....*shrug* They always have qualities of McGyver too! They can make things out of nothing and can escape from just about any situation...killer sharks, killer alligators, killer ants..you name it. Where can I find a hunky british/australian man of my own? He'd come in handy in a pinch. I might just lose sleep over this. :p So, I was inspired by the lovely guy that made the frame for me and tried to do one of my own. Let's just say..I have a looong way to go!! I snapped this after he jerked the stuffed animal out of her hands. I loved her shocked expression.

So, I woke up at like 10:30 and was wide awake. Usually on a sat. morning I can sleep until 12 or later. So that was an oddity for sure! Then I realized I had not cat food, milk, or food in general in my house...so cut to me going grocery shopping. Uggh! This guy at deviantart was nice enough to make a frame for one of my pictures. I kinda suck at borders and frames and such, so I thought I'd share! I think it's beeeUtiful (the frame!) :)

I've come to realize that I don't like the feeling of 'wanting'. Whether it's wanting a new camara, wanting a new job, wanting to be in love. That state of feeling just sucks I think. I do realize that it is the driving force behind people being motivated and actually working. You get out of bed in the morning because you want a paycheck. You don't eat that last piece of cake because you want to lose weight...I get it. That doesn't mean I have to like it!

Why no one will help me I am too dumb I am too smart They'll not understand me I am lonely They'll hate me And there is not enough time It's too hard to help me These excuses how they served me so well They've kept me safe They've kept me stuck They've kept me locked in my own cell ~Excuses-Alanis Morissette Ever have one of those days where you just don't have much to say? Then when you are quiet people think you're in a bad mood. When really, you're just being all philosophical and contemplating the meaning of life or some crap like that. So I confroted the person that wasn't talking to me. I asked her why, and if I had done anything, or did anything happen...blah blah. She said "I haven't been talking to you because you won't talk to me?" WTF?! This is where you picture me taking a couple of deep breaths and counting to like 150. Someone asked me what my plans were after I finish this semester and essentially finish school. G...

Went to the zoo today. It was like 100 degrees outside. I think between us, Holly and I drank like 2 gallons of water. We got a lot of good pictures though. Not much else to report on.

:giggle: Axel F by Crazy Frog I'm pretty sure this is a remake of an 80's song/dance hit. It's an earworm!! I expect it to be played out in the coming weeks. But it is a great friday song today. I'm glad it's friday. I have like a bajillion things to do this weekend. Not really, but I want to draw a couple of things before classes start. I also want to take a couple of pictures at different locations. It's 92 degrees at my house. I went out to water my plants on my patio and the cats ran out after me. They didn't stay out long though. Too hot. I imagine with them being black the heat is worse too. Hmm. Nexus did stay still long enough for this shot though.

I took this yesterday. I am proud of it because...Holly (my little sister) was watering the flowers/yard yesterday with the waterhose and thought it was extremely funny to spray me while I was trying to take pictures. So it's like I braved the front lines for this!. No, I'm just kidding, it wasn't nearly that dramatic. I watched Sin City. I thought it was VERY good. All artsy and well written. The ending just rocked gym socks though. That was my FAVORITE part. I don't want to give it away, but Alexis Bleidel's face expression when she hangs up the phone...gosh. Probably one of the best comic book-movie adaptations yet. I brought home some catnip toys for my two little guys last night and they had more fun playing with the plastic bag that they came in. Figures. I was always more entertained with the boxes that presents came in when I was little, I guess cats can be the same way.

Too tired to sleep...bleh. I had to take benadryl at work today because I had a reaction to my allergy shots. I know, I'm such a dork. I also had to take oral steroids, I was sweaty and dizzy. But I pulled through! Such a trooper. So anyway, I came home and slept for about an hour. I feel all sleepy but I can't sleep. Ok..I'll stop whining now! :)

Sam: "If you can't laugh at yourself, life's gonna seem a whole lot longer than you like." ~Natalie Portman: Garden State Such a good movie! I think I could quote the whole movie, but that would be kind of much. Nothing really to write about today. I think I slept through most of it. I also think that my air conditioner is broken. :( I will have to remember to do something about that tomorrow. My kitty Nexus. He fell asleep on my headphones. I thought it was too cute. :)

What else can I do but rip out my heart and give it to you, Dripping and bloody while tears run down my cheeks? Picture done in charcoal 6B and 2B. I drew this from a picture of Jordana Brewster, but I think it took on a mind of it's own and turned out very differently. Which isn't a bad thing...I don't think. The shadows on the right side of her face look a little funky. Hmmmm.

Do a little dance....get down tonight! I am SOO glad it is Friday. This week has been incredibly busy. I need to go the zoo to take pictures of some exotic and not so exotic animals. Cats and bugs just aren't cutting it anymore :) Maybe I can convince someone to brave the heat and go with me tomorrow. I'm out of ideas for drawing celebrities. Anyone have any suggestions!? Drop me a line. I'll send you a hug.

"You stand in the line just to hit a new low You're faking a smile with the coffee to go You tell me your life's been way off line You're falling to pieces everytime And I don't need no carryin' on" ~Daniel Powter - Bad Day I woke up this morning feeling tired. I kept waking up last night terrified that I had overslept only to look at the clock and realize it was 3 in the morning...and then 4:30...and then 4:57, you get the picture. This disturbed my cat greatly. Everytime I would lay back down he would pounce and meow, like "I thought you were getting up!" Do you ever feel like you didn't get the office memo and you don't really have clue as to what is going on? I also have a sneaking suspicion that I have pissed someone off, but I have no clue as to how I might have done this. I was really too tired to accomplish much of anything today, much less making someone mad. :o) I should just ask this person, but I am hoping if I pretend noth...

Storms in Oklahoma scare the bejeebes out of me! I could never live there again. This picture is where lighting struck a field and started a fire. It was crazy. Our roadtrip was very stormy! But only literally, the visit with the family went splendid. I am really anticipating the start of school. I need to be challenged because I am getting kind of bored and that is never a good thing....for anybody.

I'm not sure if it's me or everyone else... :p :begin rant: Since school is starting it seems like everyone needs things done RIGHT NOW. It's really not my problem that you waited until the VERY LAST minute to get this form filled out in order to register for school. I mean, it's a known fact that school starts in August (for most people), so I know you didn't wake up today and realize all of the sudden school is starting. :end rant: A mom on the phone : Well, I live pretty far away, can you mail me the form? Me : Sure, that would be no problem The mom : When do you think it will get here? Me : *pause* Um, I suppose whenever the mail service can deliver it. Ooo! Another rant! If you are 30+ years old, do not call your pediatrician for your shot record. Guy: I need my shot record for school Me: Sure, what's your date of birth? Guy: 196? Me: *pause* We don't have those records anymore Guy: What do you mean? What am I supposed to DO!? Me: (I told him where else...

It's times like these that I really miss my grandmother. I miss standing in her doorway. She would be reading a book and just look over at me and then raise the covers. I would smile and crawl into bed with her. Usually she would rub my ear or run her fingers through my hair while she read. I would always fall asleep before she turned the light off. I also remember, when I was little, how her and I would go for walks around dusk. We found a locust one time and she told me how they crawl out of shells that they leave behind on trees. Everytime I see one I think of our walks. I wish there was a pill you could take to go to sleep and when you woke up everything would be ok. Everything would be sorted out, smoothed over, taken care of.

Androgyny by Garbage -> I'm always like 5 years behind of "finding the cool" :( What's up with that?! Total Randomness ensues: Laundry sucks I mean laundry REALLY sucks Cats can be TOO affectionate This fact really hammers home the realization that I would not make a good mother I think I might be self-involved I think questioning that is self-involved I really like lists! :) Wait, isn't that a trait of OCD?....lemme check *runs off to check* WHEN SILENCE BECOMES EVERYTHING BUT AND FRIENDS WALK IN STRANGERS’ SHOES, TIME SLOWS AND YET MOVES BEYOND MERE COMPREHENSION, SHOULD YOU BE WORRIED? MAYBE WHEN CONFUSION MURDERS REASON AND TAKES THE CROWN TO AMAZING APPLAUSE FROM ONLOOKERS AND SIGHTSEERS, WHICH ONLY LEADS TO DREAMS BECOMING REALITY, BUT WITHOUT REASON THE DREAMS NEVER WERE, THEY SIMPLY ARE- NIGHTMARES. INSANITY STARTS TO MAKE SENSE AND ONE BROWN EYED GIRL CRIES TEARS OF SADNESS FOR WHAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME AGAIN.

I think that is how long I slept today. It could have been longer. Talk about some wild dreams! There was one where the world was getting destroyed by the ocean. Of course there was this secret installation where the important people were being taken. And of course it was my goal to break into this place. :shakes head: craziness! Here's a picture I did today. This is Lucy Diamond from D.E.B.S.

The only metaphor I can compare yesterday with is a car wreck. And not an accident where your car is just 'dinged' or 'dented'. I mean a complete WRECK with emergency crews and injuries. And the day started off so well. It all happened at 3 in the afternoon. I managed to shred a check for 3,000.00 at my work. We can get another one sent, but holy crap!! It took about an hour and a half to fix that mistake. I went home to sleep off the headache that that stupid mistake caused when I get a phone call. After that I would like to think that the sky could have fallen and I wouldn't have noticed or cared. I cried, I'm not afraid to admit it. (Yes Kim, I can cry). This morning I treated myself to starbucks and everything started to get better. Well, I started to feel better, the events didn't get better. But sometimes you just have to say "shit happens".

In between watching a movie and doing my laundry I drew a picture of Elijah Wood. I used pastel chalk pencils. They are really good for blending. Today was busy at work and I am tired so off to bed I will skip merrily.

Oh my! The past 3 days have been C R A Z Y !! Thursday Wake up at 6 to go to work. I leave work around 1:30 because I have to pick up Holly and I know it takes her like 30 minutes from the time she says she's ready, to the time we can actually walk out the door. Then it's off to Nashville. (note to self: don't drink before trips) We stopped like 3 times to use the bathroom. The concert was at the riverside park i.e. OUTSIDE. It was so incredibly hot we were sweating just sitting there in the grass, in the shade! I can just imagine what the bands felt like. I had to buy Holly 3 bottles of water because she was turning a reddish pink color. Of course that could have been a reaction from the guitarist from (one of the bands- I can't remember their name) sitting next to her and giving her a lot of attention. The concert was amazing though. We went there to see Tegan and Sara and they were great. Holly even got an autograph from Sara. We actually left the park around 10:30 ...

I really like Sarah Fimm and I really like the song "Be Like Water". However, it's one of those songs that the lyrics don't really register when you are singing along to it in your car. "Don’t chase ghosts, don’t get too close, Don’t get caught, don’t get spent Don’t get bought Don’t sell out, don’t get bent Don’t fuck your best friend If everything is just the way it should be Why am I why am I still hungry Be like Water" The song takes on a whole new meaning, though, it is really good advice. Here's a 'rad' picture of H. She hates it when I use that word, so I try to use it as often as possible. It's a good thing she is such a good and willing model. But, I have given myself an ultimatum (sp?). This is the last picture I am posting and taking until I finish this drawing of Kiera Knightley that I have been working on (really just looking at it sit on my desk) for weeks!

Welcome home Milla .... She has a design that looks like an "M" on her forehead, so it is only natural that she has an "M" name. Picture me thinking of 'cool' names that start with an "M".....then, picture me getting frustrated and forgetting about it. A couple of hours later I'm putting away some DVD's and notice Milla Jovavich's name on my Resident Evil DVD. There ya go. After that I just took picture after picture. I tried to get her and Shayde to take a picture together but they weren't in the mood. Technically, Shayde is still pouting because Milla is here. For being an 8/9 week old 1-2 pound kitten, she is suprisingly tough. She's not scared of anything and she is 'very' strong. That's another reason I thought the name fit well. Off I go to take more pictures.

I'm walking in the rain, the pouring rain, barefoot. I'm having fun jumping in the puddles and getting totally soaked. This man is running with his arms full of groceries and stops under the eave of the front door to say, "You're walking in the rain barefoot huh?" It was all I could do to not say, "No, I'm participating in a debate to end world hunger." I mean, seriously.... I love 'playing' in the rain for a couple of reasons. 1. It's fun 2. My mother never let me do it as a child 3. It's fun 4. Because I can 5. It's fun

I took this picture at the eagle sanctuary in Dollywood. I have to take a couple of more classes this fall. I chose French, Spanish, and Abnormal Psych. I wanted a challenge and I thought 2 languages at the same time....what fun! I think I am doing this because I have been very bored and 'not grounded' lately. I see this sort of behaviour leading to trouble and that's no good. I mean, I've been having these ideas lately, like just moving to some random state and not taking anything with me...just 'leaving'. Being spontaneous. Shayde is shredding the blinds. I'm not exaggerating. He's literally s.h.r.e.d.d.i.n.g. them! For some reason I can't really bring myself to care. In the course of someone's life, really, how important are mini blinds?

"I try to discover A little something to make me sweeter Oh baby refrain from breaking my heart I’m so in love with you I’ll be forever blue That you give me no reason Why you’re making me work so hard" ~Erasure -Insert totally random fact here: That song has been in my head for literally 3 weeks! Another early morning. I woke up 6:30am. Ever since I stopped taking my medication (it's been a week) I don't seem to need as much sleep. In fact, I've been very energetic and busy lately. Funny how that works. I used to be totally content sitting in one place for hours doing absolutely nothing. I took some more pictures today. I also bought a book on photo editing software, so now I'm playing around with that. Technology, when it's not being all scary, can be pretty neat. I'm hoping to edit some old pictures and start making another scrapbook since my other one was destroyed in the fire.

Today was a day of waking up early and taking pictures. Not to mention a little bit of shopping thrown in for fun. Goodness, if I get any more boring..... I did manage to take a couple of good shots though. Practice, practice. Being independent and alone is really cool. (that's so 80's!) You can come and go as you please, you don't have make up your bed or do the dishes right away, but the time has come where I don't want to be alone any more. This is a very frustrating experience for me because I really like being able to do what I want and I have a very strong conviction to 'make it' by myself without anyone's help. But....I can't help feeling that I want to share my life with someone. *grrr* When did I suddenly become a wannabe adult?!

Some angsty poetry: White Wall I clench my jaw as my fingernails scratch the surface. A white wall darkened by instances that were meant to be felt, but were not. My nails make no mark. No chip in the non-existent paint that wasn't used to hide imperfections. I would pound at the mocking whiteness, but my fists are already bloodied and bruised, useless. I think I should scream and cry at the injustice, inevitability, frustration, and fear. But they would just laugh at me from the other side. So instead I turn away from the wall, only to be greeted by three more. For a moment, a smile plays at my lips, then vanishes just as quickly. The irony does not escape me. I had created this place of protection from feeling. And now I have become it's prisoner. What is there left to do now but wait? One thought kindly keeps me company. When you find this place of mine and open the door...will I still be here?

I love the weather latley. I know that is such an old person thing to say. I just love how during the summer season the weather is so hot and storms just pop up randomly. Like really violent storms that turn the sky this dark gray color and makes everyone jumpy and nervous. That sounds kind of weird because I am terrified of storms, but I love how the atmosphere just seems to tingle when it becomes stormy. Besides, I love the hot weather so much more than the cold.

It has recently been brought to my attention that I could quite possibly be obsessive compulsive. And the ironic thing is I am obsessing over being obsessive. I don't wash my hands excessively and I'm not caught up on locking the door 10 times. It's nothing that extreme. When my friend "kindly" pointed out my odd behavior, I couldn't help but think of all of the weird things I tend to do or the habits that I have. For example I eat one thing at a time I cannot have anything on my plate to touch or mix It drives me insane to have something put on my desk that I did not put there myself, like a magazine And don't even get me started when someone sits in my chair. I try not to freak out about it, but it does really bother me I cannot sleep without a blanket or something covering me My pillow has to be cold when I lay my head on it, if it's not I flip it over or switch That's just the major ones I think. Like I said, nothing extreme. Taking pictures is...

Spent the day at the lake. I love starting paragraphs with fragments. It makes me feel like such a rebel. Anyway, I got sunburned again. This is the second time I have gotten a VERY BAD sunburn this summer. You would think I would have learned the first time..but no, not me. I haven't laughed so much in a very long time. We borrowed a waverunner from Joanna and all of us just had a blast. Holly got a burn on her back from falling off the tube. Spenser hit the gas a little to soon and Holly didn't let go fast enough, so she kind of got drug on top of the water. She was ok, I just felt sorry for her. It looked painful. She's back in KY now. I think she had a really good time here though.

Everynight for the past 3 weeks this woman comes home at exactly 9:45 everynight. How do I know this? No, this woman is not me. This is a woman that lives in the apartment across the hall from me. And I know what time she comes home every night because she always announces it, loudly, before she closes the door. It always reminds me of I Love Lucy when Desie (sp) comes home and says "Lucy, I'm home!". It is one of the upsides to living in an apartment I think. You can make up lives for all of these people that live so close to you, yet you never really get to know. I got my wake up call at 9:30 this morning. We were on the road at 10:45. We arrived at the softball field at 12:15. It was so hot! I literally had sweat running down my back. I very gross sensation I don't particularly like. I can't imagine what the girls were feeling out on the field. Luckily they had towels they would soak in ice water and wear around their necks. Holly's team won. The other team...

I knew as soon as I woke up to hit the snooze button on my alarm clock that something was wrong. My head felt 'funny'. Not painful and not the good kind of 'funny'. A sort of pressure behind my ears. Maybe if I could sleep 15 more minutes it would go away. I think it's funny how you calculate how long it takes you to get ready in the morning and what you can take out of your routine in order to sleep 3 more minutes. After getting out of the shower the pressure was slowly building so I popped 2 advil and took off to work. I was late anyway. At about 8 in the morning I knew I had to go home and sleep this headache off. I couldn't focus on anything and I didn't want to be in a bad mood at work. People already think I'm moody as it is. So I crashed in my bed and I think it took me maybe 15 seconds to fall asleep. I had only been asleep for 30 minutes when my phone rang. It's a good thing I am not a voodoo practitioner because I have very bad thoughts whe...

Check out the rad barn in Oliver Springs There are more pictures of this barn at the picture page. I think I've been bitten by the photography bug. I'm not sure when this happened or where. Lately I have found myself taking pictures of almost everything, as well as looking at everyone else's photography. I am afraid. I'm not sure what the psychological word for it is, but I know there is one. You see, when I find something new, like a new skill, I want to do the best at it. It's like an insane competition with myself to do the best that I possibly can in the quickest amount of time. However, when I have felt that I have reached that point. I completely lose interest. Don't get me wrong. I don't think that I am the 'best' in anything. But take for instance drawing. For six months I did nothing else but draw and draw. I kept getting better each week and then I felt I reached this point that my skill started to flatten out. This may or may not be the ca...

As I was browsing through Books-A-Million during my lunch hour, I preceded to run into a person that brought back a very bad memory of high school. She was my spanish teacher. More specifically, she was my spanish teacher that had a lisp. This speach impedement often times caused her to 'spit' while she was talking, much to the amusement of us students. I would like to blame my actions on being 16, but when I think about it, it is just plain meaness, there are no other excuses. This is what happened: I drew a caricature of Ms. Ramen with drops of spit coming out of her mouth and students in the front row with umbrellas trying to dodge the saliva torpedos. This was purely drawn for my own amusement as she droned on and on about proper nouns and using verbs only after the adjectives in a sentence. Of course I had to show off my work of art to the cute boy sitting next to me. Anything I could do to stike up conversation I often times did. Even if it was feigning interest in Marily...

I was so tired today! Tylenol pm is powerful stuff. I only took one because I had a terrible headache and it knocked me for a loop! I had to come home for work and sleep a couple of hours. After that it was time for mexican food.

I'm watching my cat, Shayde, stalk birds out on my balcony. I like to think he pretends he is some fierce panther out in the jungle hunting prey in the dense foliage. When in reality he is a 3 month old kitten afraid of his shadow.