Frame of Reference

"No matter what you decide, I'll support you. No matter what, I'm in your corner. Unconditionally." I have an idea in my head. I think I dreamed about the foot print I made in chalk and was inspired. To be inspired in sleep is a tremendously funky feeling. Chalk or paint. "What do you say it's up for grabs now that you're on your way down" ~ Tegan and Sara

My first real critique, found on deviantart. This is very touching. I have a 14 year old lab that looks a lot like the one on the right. For the most part, they actually look real! A few things that needs work on though, is the thickness of the neck on the black one, the eyebrows on the brown one, and the nose need to be a bit bigger on the brown one, too. The neck cold be a bit smaller, and the eyebrows could be a bit thinner, even though I understand some labs have very bushy eyebrows. You nailed the oiliness of the coats right on. Older labs tend to be very silky, and I love the way you included that into the drawing. This definitely evens out the good and bad for me, and I think it will for others, too. Keep up the good work. I hope to see more like this. I appreciate!! I think it's awesome someone took the time to look at my drawing and really tell me what they thought. I'm ready for summer to be over.

I slept on my arm last night. I had it curled under me. It hurts to extend my elbow and my wrist feels funny, but only when I put pressure on my fingertips. I hate the silence right before I fall asleep. I'm going to have to hunt through my closet tomorrow for a belt. Inane thoughts. Started watching Twin Peaks. It's really amazing to see the 80's fashions and cars and full on mullets. WOW! I remember hearing about this show. I even had the theme song on a Pure Moods CD. I finished the dogs. I'm thinking of the next drawing. Another animal, I know that for sure.

If I were to die... soon.... I wonder if people would know how I felt about things. I've heard that song Turn, Turn, Turn, easily 8 times in the past week alone. Whether it's at work, on the radio, in a commercial. It's messing with me. I'd like to think that people who are close to me know that.... well, know how I feel. I would hope that. It makes me think of that Tegan and Sara song too. Soil, Soil. About burying letters. I would hope that people would see me as a good person. Lost. And goodness knows I've dug holes that I'm still trying to climb out of. I've made horrible mistakes. I should have had a stronger character. But I'm a person who is so incredibly grateful for the opportunity to fall. I also want it known that I do not, nor have I ever, judged my sibling. Just for the record.

An experience has been crossed off of my To-Do list and I must say that I am more than pleasantly surprised. Although I have sore muscles in really weird places. Trust and patience were key and I am VERY grateful and appreciative. Cockroach feces can be searched for ANYTIME! One more day of work before I get a break. It's hard to believe that the summer is almost over. It's been a great one as far as work goes. We seemed to have really bounced back from the oil spill. The anxiety over hurricane season is palpable though. Already, people are talking about it and how there should have been clauses in final payment contracts. I'm gathering a couple of things to take to a gallery. I'm doing it without expectations and I completely believe that nothing will come of it. HOWEVER, stranger things have happened and I am willing to try anything!!

Waking up to pouring rain is an amazing feeling. However, having a feeling of dread three seconds later because you thought you might have left your windows rolled down, isn't such a great feeling. Getting online and seeing that you sold something else = spectacular. The smell of coffee while its dark and rainy = divine. Realizing you have to go to work a mere two in a half hours after waking up = sigh worthy. I'm going to buy a lottery ticket on the way to work. I'm feeling something.

On Monday morning my car was parked on a street that flooded from torrential rainfall. The water was up to the bottom of my seats, on the inside. But with help, the water was cleaned up. I think everything will dry out and be fine. The blinking lights on my dash might need to be reset, but I think I was pretty lucky, considering. I also am now sporting white and purple hair. Well, it's supposed to be purple. It looks more dark pink to me. My work really likes it. Which is weird considering I was told not to color my hair over Easter. Those who know me well, know that this is just a symptom of me trying to control a very out of control life. I'm not complaining though. Some things are pretty great. I saw the stars vibrate and I drew John Lennon, spider man, Thomas the Train, flowers, and foot prints with chalk. It was amazing. Like Africa.

imagine that

There was this mansion I drove by on my way to work every day. It was huge and amazing and very run down. All of the windows were busted out and there was nothing around it. I always had an affinity for it. Every time I saw it I would envision what it used to look like. What kind of people used to live in it. How amazing to be right next to the water and so isolated and I'd wonder if it was there before they built the road and all of the condos. They tore it down two weeks ago. It's gone and now there is nothing but the foundation and open fields and swamps. It was serving no purpose and a lot of people probably thought it was an eyesore. Logically I can see the reason, but there is a little pang of sadness every time I drive by now. I won't ever forget it though. So inside of me there will always live that house. I'm having a bit of trouble in the school area. I'm one month off from residency because of my vehicle registration. How stupid is that? They said I could...

You know that expression, "I'm too tired to sleep"? It always seemed silly to me. I've experienced it, but still. It's an odd statement. I have one of my own. "I feel so much right now that I feel numb." I feel like so much is happening that it's quite comical. But it's not. It's tragic. It's just so tragic that it's unbelievable. I have a sister that has hit so many false bottoms that I'm not sure I will even recognize the real one when she hits it. If she hits it. She's gone, again. I can only hope that she figures things out.... or just gets tired of what it is that she's doing. It has to be exhausting. I have a mother with a broken heart that I can't hold together. It's not my job, but she's my partner. So I will hurt with her. I will worry too, because the unknown is scary. I have an aunt who just received news that she has breast cancer. I can't imagine the terror that she must be feeling. She is goin...

Because sometimes you want to just stop. Everything. Press pause and bury your head. But when you're done with that...When you've cried enough for today...I'll take your hand, no matter how much it shakes, I won't let go. So you ease your back against the wall to slide down it's slivered surface and Wrap your arms around your knees It helps with the feeling of the fall Shaking hands are hidden best when clinched like tears amongst the rain that falls You Stop the quiver of lips, hold them in between teeth opened to breathe, deep The mortar of past decisions explode around you And You swear the shrapnel pierces Pieces you didn't even know you had left The silence is deceiving, because they just keep coming

I've never heard silence so loud. I love Dia Frampton's cover of Losing My Religion. I've listened to it a lot. I think she gives it a new twist. I've also listened to Kill Hannah. The vocals sounds similar to Silversun pickups but their music is a bit too aggressive for me. I don't connect to any song except Vultures. Florence + the Machine "Heavy in Your Arms" makes me cry. I like the song Howl. I feel so helpless. I feel like I missed that day in school where they taught you what to protect, what to give, how much, what to hold back, and how to help. How to love from a distance. How to handle when loving someone hurts them. Tough love is shit invented to make someone feel better. I maintain everything is hard. Anything worth keeping is going to be hard. There is no magic switch, no pill, no injections, or no electrical current that holds a cure to anything. She has to stop searching outside of herself for happiness. It just sucks that we can't bring...

I don't like fireworks anyway, but it would have been nice to be at a cook out. It makes me feel old to realize that the movie Independence Day came out 15 years ago. Sometimes, you just have to scream... even if it is silently. " We will not vanish without a fight! We're going to live on! We're going to survive! Today we celebrate our Independence Day!"

The rain is a relief.