Frame of Reference

The only metaphor I can compare yesterday with is a car wreck. And not an accident where your car is just 'dinged' or 'dented'. I mean a complete WRECK with emergency crews and injuries. And the day started off so well. It all happened at 3 in the afternoon. I managed to shred a check for 3,000.00 at my work. We can get another one sent, but holy crap!! It took about an hour and a half to fix that mistake. I went home to sleep off the headache that that stupid mistake caused when I get a phone call. After that I would like to think that the sky could have fallen and I wouldn't have noticed or cared. I cried, I'm not afraid to admit it. (Yes Kim, I can cry). This morning I treated myself to starbucks and everything started to get better. Well, I started to feel better, the events didn't get better. But sometimes you just have to say "shit happens".

In between watching a movie and doing my laundry I drew a picture of Elijah Wood. I used pastel chalk pencils. They are really good for blending. Today was busy at work and I am tired so off to bed I will skip merrily.

Oh my! The past 3 days have been C R A Z Y !! Thursday Wake up at 6 to go to work. I leave work around 1:30 because I have to pick up Holly and I know it takes her like 30 minutes from the time she says she's ready, to the time we can actually walk out the door. Then it's off to Nashville. (note to self: don't drink before trips) We stopped like 3 times to use the bathroom. The concert was at the riverside park i.e. OUTSIDE. It was so incredibly hot we were sweating just sitting there in the grass, in the shade! I can just imagine what the bands felt like. I had to buy Holly 3 bottles of water because she was turning a reddish pink color. Of course that could have been a reaction from the guitarist from (one of the bands- I can't remember their name) sitting next to her and giving her a lot of attention. The concert was amazing though. We went there to see Tegan and Sara and they were great. Holly even got an autograph from Sara. We actually left the park around 10:30 ...

I really like Sarah Fimm and I really like the song "Be Like Water". However, it's one of those songs that the lyrics don't really register when you are singing along to it in your car. "Don’t chase ghosts, don’t get too close, Don’t get caught, don’t get spent Don’t get bought Don’t sell out, don’t get bent Don’t fuck your best friend If everything is just the way it should be Why am I why am I still hungry Be like Water" The song takes on a whole new meaning, though, it is really good advice. Here's a 'rad' picture of H. She hates it when I use that word, so I try to use it as often as possible. It's a good thing she is such a good and willing model. But, I have given myself an ultimatum (sp?). This is the last picture I am posting and taking until I finish this drawing of Kiera Knightley that I have been working on (really just looking at it sit on my desk) for weeks!

Welcome home Milla .... She has a design that looks like an "M" on her forehead, so it is only natural that she has an "M" name. Picture me thinking of 'cool' names that start with an "M".....then, picture me getting frustrated and forgetting about it. A couple of hours later I'm putting away some DVD's and notice Milla Jovavich's name on my Resident Evil DVD. There ya go. After that I just took picture after picture. I tried to get her and Shayde to take a picture together but they weren't in the mood. Technically, Shayde is still pouting because Milla is here. For being an 8/9 week old 1-2 pound kitten, she is suprisingly tough. She's not scared of anything and she is 'very' strong. That's another reason I thought the name fit well. Off I go to take more pictures.

I'm walking in the rain, the pouring rain, barefoot. I'm having fun jumping in the puddles and getting totally soaked. This man is running with his arms full of groceries and stops under the eave of the front door to say, "You're walking in the rain barefoot huh?" It was all I could do to not say, "No, I'm participating in a debate to end world hunger." I mean, seriously.... I love 'playing' in the rain for a couple of reasons. 1. It's fun 2. My mother never let me do it as a child 3. It's fun 4. Because I can 5. It's fun

I took this picture at the eagle sanctuary in Dollywood. I have to take a couple of more classes this fall. I chose French, Spanish, and Abnormal Psych. I wanted a challenge and I thought 2 languages at the same time....what fun! I think I am doing this because I have been very bored and 'not grounded' lately. I see this sort of behaviour leading to trouble and that's no good. I mean, I've been having these ideas lately, like just moving to some random state and not taking anything with me...just 'leaving'. Being spontaneous. Shayde is shredding the blinds. I'm not exaggerating. He's literally s.h.r.e.d.d.i.n.g. them! For some reason I can't really bring myself to care. In the course of someone's life, really, how important are mini blinds?

"I try to discover A little something to make me sweeter Oh baby refrain from breaking my heart I’m so in love with you I’ll be forever blue That you give me no reason Why you’re making me work so hard" ~Erasure -Insert totally random fact here: That song has been in my head for literally 3 weeks! Another early morning. I woke up 6:30am. Ever since I stopped taking my medication (it's been a week) I don't seem to need as much sleep. In fact, I've been very energetic and busy lately. Funny how that works. I used to be totally content sitting in one place for hours doing absolutely nothing. I took some more pictures today. I also bought a book on photo editing software, so now I'm playing around with that. Technology, when it's not being all scary, can be pretty neat. I'm hoping to edit some old pictures and start making another scrapbook since my other one was destroyed in the fire.

Today was a day of waking up early and taking pictures. Not to mention a little bit of shopping thrown in for fun. Goodness, if I get any more boring..... I did manage to take a couple of good shots though. Practice, practice. Being independent and alone is really cool. (that's so 80's!) You can come and go as you please, you don't have make up your bed or do the dishes right away, but the time has come where I don't want to be alone any more. This is a very frustrating experience for me because I really like being able to do what I want and I have a very strong conviction to 'make it' by myself without anyone's help. But....I can't help feeling that I want to share my life with someone. *grrr* When did I suddenly become a wannabe adult?!

Some angsty poetry: White Wall I clench my jaw as my fingernails scratch the surface. A white wall darkened by instances that were meant to be felt, but were not. My nails make no mark. No chip in the non-existent paint that wasn't used to hide imperfections. I would pound at the mocking whiteness, but my fists are already bloodied and bruised, useless. I think I should scream and cry at the injustice, inevitability, frustration, and fear. But they would just laugh at me from the other side. So instead I turn away from the wall, only to be greeted by three more. For a moment, a smile plays at my lips, then vanishes just as quickly. The irony does not escape me. I had created this place of protection from feeling. And now I have become it's prisoner. What is there left to do now but wait? One thought kindly keeps me company. When you find this place of mine and open the door...will I still be here?

I love the weather latley. I know that is such an old person thing to say. I just love how during the summer season the weather is so hot and storms just pop up randomly. Like really violent storms that turn the sky this dark gray color and makes everyone jumpy and nervous. That sounds kind of weird because I am terrified of storms, but I love how the atmosphere just seems to tingle when it becomes stormy. Besides, I love the hot weather so much more than the cold.