Frame of Reference

Emotions are still a "wreck". I have a meeting with the president of the gallery on friday to discuss my "wall" and working in the gallery. Job #3. What am I doing?!?!?! It's a requirement and it's only a couple of hours a month but still. Something's gotta give. Well there is my brand new nephew. Caiden Lucas Hall. I picked his name. Well, it was from a very long list of names that I gave them, but still. A little pride. He's a baby and he's a pretty healthy looking one. Not splotchy or anything. I'm incredibly happy about that. Still looks like an alien, malformed thing, but a cute one.

My paintings were accepted. I received a very shocking call of congratulations by the curator. I still need to be interviewed. Apparently it's not just based on talent, you kind of have to be sane and professional. Why they expect these qualities from an artist is beyond me. I'm not prepared. I do not have tons of works just waiting to be displayed. I'm not prepared emotionally either, but then again, who is prepared for major change. I suppose we just jump in and roll with it. Speaking of emotions, mine are out of control. Hormones might have something to do with it. I almost had to leave work this morning from the pain. I hid out in the bathroom and rocked back in forth, wiping the sweat from my brow, just willing it to pass. My sister is at the hospital, possibly in labor. There is a lot of screaming, pain and blood. Sounds like every description of labor that I've heard. My mom took off this afternoon when she got the call. I feel so discombobulated. I think I...

I got a call a two weeks ago from the Blue Morning Gallery. They have a spot opening up, a wall space to be more exact. They said I could submit three works to be judged for the available space. The thing is, they all had to be in the same medium. Typically, I chose to do three new ones : I brought them into the gallery, along with an artist biography and a portfolio. I walked into the back and I saw the other entries. My heart dropped. I kind of knew in the back of my head that my work is amatuerish, but seeing the other pieces really nailed that into reality for me. And then I had to hang them next to these huge amazing pieces of artwork.  Logically, I know that it's a huge thing to even put myself out there to be judged. But in my heart, it's also crushing to have my fears come into realization.  I keep telling myself that it's just a step... but it's hard.  The curator was so sweet. She even told me that I won't be judged against the other en...

I'm letting my hair grow out. Probably. I kind of tend to say that all of the time, right before getting it cut. I've been teased in the past about how I can take my pants off, and they retain their shape on the floor. Still halfway standing up. I took a nap today, woke up, ate some dinner, watched a movie, and walked back into my bedroom. I was greeted with this -> And I promise they are clean sheets. I just washed them last night!! I have no idea how this happens, but I find it extremely amusing. I got a call today from Blue Morning Gallery. They have an opening and I've been asked to bring in three pieces of artwork. They have to be in the same medium though. Either 3 photographs, 3 drawings, or 3 paintings. I think this sucks! I don't really have 3 drawings that I'm that proud of, on hand. I've given the originals all away. Either way, whatever I choose and bring in will have to be "juried". But it's exciting nonetheless. I have tw...

In just two days I will be 31? Shouldn't I have a kid by now? A career, a white picket fence, a mortgage?   Is it normal to be overcome with fear or should I be secure by now? Life has shown that people change, life changes, everything changes. That's what makes it life, right? I need a solid foundation, a grounding. I think that's been the one constant in my life. Searching for me. If you bring the party... I think I have arthritis in my left thumb. My worst fear. Maybe it's a sign that it's happened so close to my birthday. Maybe it's just a sprain and I'm freaking out about it. Maybe it's a tumor in my neck and it's radiating pain. Jeezus. Doesn't look like I've made much progress but about 45 minutes went into this. I need a haircut.

I received the oddest compliment today at work. "I don't know if it's the color of your uniform, your eyes, or your hair... but you look extremely angelic right now. Weird." I could have done without the weird part, but it was very nice nonetheless. I'm starting to get leg cramps and aches again. I feel like I go in cycles with my body issues. Hell, I go in cycles with my mood issues, my drama issues, my thoughts. Jeezus. Do you know when you have something unpleasant to do. You know you should be doing it. Such as, remodeling a room, laundry, homework, etc. You might even walk by it every day and see it and know you should be doing it but you find every excuse to not do it right then. I kind of feel as if I'm doing that. I keep walking by what needs to be done. I'm too tired. Am I too tired to actually live my life? To change things for the better? Metaphorically speaking