Frame of Reference

Yesterday was almost unbearable. I've had several really bad months. I hope it's not a sign of something bad. I should really just go to the doctor. I remember downloading Sleepthief several years ago. Just one song, Eurydice. I have no idea why I didn't delve further since I really enjoyed that song. But I have and I think they are great! Kind of similar to Oceanlab in my opinion.

It looks like Isaac has shifted way west. I feel for New Orleans. It's creepy that the anniversary of Katrina is this week. What are the odds? Probably pretty high considering hurricane season is so short, and the gulf coast is so small, relatively speaking. Our neighbors have their windows boarded. They did this yesterday. Watching them gave me a lump of dread in my stomach. I can't imagine being closed up in a house with no windows... on purpose. The horizon was a muted pink last night as I drove, almost in a daze. The clouds were like paint from a hurried brush stroke and I couldn't help but imagine.

It was a night of clock watching. I'd wake up and grab my phone, checking the time, thinking I was late and had overslept. Only to realize that 30 minutes had passed since the last time that I looked. Not only that, but every time I did manage to sleep, I dreamed of traveling in a caravan like in medieval times. I was set a task to watch for a certain person. There is nothing quite like being stressed while you dream. Hopefully I can come home and catch a nap. A month or two ago, the clinic in Tennessee called me and told me that a dragon picture, that I drawn for them, was stolen. Would I remind replacing it with a drawing of a new dragon? Sure I said, no problem. I received a text yesterday asking about the progress. My initial reaction? "Funny you should ask! I'll have it out soon." Yikes. I forgot. Watching Isaac. If you were to visit a local Wal-Mart here, you would think Isaac was an asteroid not a storm. One lady had three buggies full of nothing but water. A...

A bruised heart soars at nodded acknowledgements given with mirrored smiles While Clouds form beneath layers of not yet regrets but decisions that made us who we are The cicadas sing and the crickets play in the after dusk orchestras Mostly unnoticed by those traveling and focused on other things less important Eyes search stars and stare at alarm clocks in disbelief or silent resignation It's hard to tell what lies beyond the surface of scattered thoughts maybe hazy dreams Distant smells barely remembered leave shaken confidence and drenched sheets A past replayed and instances changed only behind closed lids afraid to open

So I was on the hunt for an item. It couldn't be taken. It was a cigar lighter a.k.a. a torch lighter. In my defense I didn't really look at it. I just glanced and saw two huge red eyes and a red beak. I held it up to my trainer and said, "Awww, look! An owl!" When she looked at me with raised eyebrows and then doubled over in laughter, I turned the object over. I quickly realized I was holding a woman's torso with HUGE boobs, and what I thought was the beak, was her bikini bottom. I'm pretty sure I turned as red as the bikini, but I did try to laugh it off. I'm just sure I'm going to be hearing about this for a while.

I have a thought in my head. That I should keep both jobs to keep me busy. To keep my mind off of things. The only problem is that I'm not exactly in the best shape for it. The solution is to get into better shape. Obviously. I am so over the rain. It rains every day and has for two months now, so it seems. I wish we could send it to the people who need it. We certainly don't. Our grass is dying because its becoming swamp. Thats how the world will end. Extreme weather. I worked a little bit on the drawing of the dog and I have an idea for a necklace I started yesterday. But mostly I slept.

It was official yesterday. I was offered a full-time position. A couple more months and I could technically transfer anywhere in the country. It's exciting and daunting. I have mixed emotions obviously. I don't think that I have even processed them fully. Nobody seems to understand my hesitation at being completely ecstatic. Oh well, I've always "over thought" things. My legs are still giving me trouble. I'm taking vitamins and trying to drink more water, but it doesn't seem to be helping much. I keep having flashbacks to when I got all of the testing done a couple of years ago.

How many signs can one person come across? I am so incredibly conflicted. Do I even believe in signs? Lately it's been so in your face that it's hard to shrug off. Am I creating them? Am I just noticing things because of my thought pattern? Ah hell.

I'd put my wishes on feathers of birds that I see fly above me and give every last breath left in my chest to carry them on push them higher and farther away above the clouds that I can not see and the mountains I want to climb Over the oceans that I will never cross and beyond horizons I'm not sure even exist but only in dreams This is the mural that I did in a nursery. I tried to keep the colors light which looks like shit in photographs but a lot more vibrant in person. They like it, they chose it, all that matters anyway.

I received a phone call about a meeting that is to take place on Tuesday. I'm worried about it. Of course my over active imagination is not helping at all. I turn with eyes closed and feel sheets slide over me like rivulets of water made of cloth and silent whispers which fills the void where things were meant to settle My lips part and a sigh escapes, echoing as if mimicked prayers were being chanted over moist tongues and teeth I wish that I could close my eyes tighter against it all or at least have my whispers answered, even by silent lips and eyes that are not my own. For now I have sheets They don't mind when I clench them in my fists during nightmares, recent and often, or drench them in sweat during anxiety filled fits of delusions and chases. I push them away and steal them back again over and over.

Do you think it's possible for a heart to break without being aware of it? Maybe it happens so slowly and over such a long amount of time, one day you just realize... wow. It reminds me of that Matchbox 20 song, Rest stop -> "While you were sleeping I was listening to the radio and wondering what you were dreaming, when it came to mind that I didn't care." I didn't research the lyrics so they might not be 100% accurate, but the sentiment is there. It's a truly sad, sad song. I'm eyeing St. Petersburg but Atlanta might be a better bet. All depends on work. I 'stumbled' upon this really cool website. It's pretty trippy. It's called  SQUAREEATER Put your headphones on, click, and away you go. I've been looking for something like this for a while. The only downside is the limited selections. After a couple of repeated listenings, I'm ready for something new. I have the most effects when I'm really tired, which is all the t...

I've been eating bananas for breakfast as of late. The bottoms of my feet and my calves keep cramping on me. I'm a little confused as to why. When I was at the restaurant I walked around a lot more than I do now, though I do walk a lot now, but still. I also do not consider eating at 2:45 am breakfast. It just is. Everything just is. Life just is. It's more shit every day. You deal with it and move on. Secret of life? Figured out. Booyah.

My mom said there would be days like this. Not only my mom, some other people that I hold very close said it too. And when it can't get much worse.... your cat pukes on your pile of clean clothes. It's the part in italics. $400 worth. Sucks. ma li cious  |məˈli  sh  əs| adjective characterized   by   malice ; intending or intended to do harm  :  malicious  destruction   of   property .