Frame of Reference

I had another nightmare last night. I dreamt of a tornado again. This time a crowd of people in a huge warehouse, much like a movie theatre but without screens. A lot of rooms, connected by small doorways. The ceilings were so high in some rooms that you couldn't see them. It was storming outside very badly. I don't remember much, except screaming, none of it mine. I remember ceiling tiles being ripped up and sucked into the air. Walls following shortly after. There was aftermath. Walking amongst lost people who kept asking me if I've seen so and so. But I lost everybody and couldn't muster up enough emotion to even answer them. I just kept walking over ruble. Angry. I was shown captions of pictures hidden from my view. It makes me feel better on one hand and sad on the other. I guess the strongest emotion is appreciation for the desire to make me feel better in the first place. I really feel like I am challenging myself. I am glad to have time off. 

I feel as if I have been working for 2 weeks straight already. Did some light painting tonight with my camera. I have a lot, A LOT, to learn. I think I'm on the right track though. I had another bad dream. I was living in a neighborhood on a hill. It was dark. For some reason the U.S. attacked Egypt and we lost. Our whole government was overrun. People started attacking Americans like we were animals. But it was instantaneous. The news was on and we saw the attack go awry, right after we could hear people getting attacked down the street. I was with other people and we knew we had to leave the house. Our neighborhood was turning into a war zone itself. Whatever we did, we knew that we couldn't speak. As soon as our accents were heard, we'd be killed. 

So the work week starts for me today. I did get to enjoy the seafood festival downtown. It's so much fun walking around and looking at art, getting inspired, people watching, and listening to live music. It was a bit hot, but I think we made it home before it got too bad, for me at least. I found a new artist. Her name is L'Aura. She's Italian and a little bit similar to Elisa. Her voice also reminds me a bit of Ayria. She can make her voice go way deep and way high like Ayria or Emilie Autumn. I really love the song "I'm so Fucked up I can Barely Walk". It's one of those songs that is very catchy and lyrical and then you're all...."wait, what did she just say??" Another new necklace. I was sitting at the bar at work and decided to piece together some loose gears I had to make one pendant. It didn't work that well since I didn't have any tools, so I brought it home and fixed it up a bit. I really like it, one of my favorites.  B...

When the eyes of a stranger can tell you such lies it's not a coincidence that these run on sentences are mouthfuls of sand. Without a plan I start kicking words together and apart. I feel as if I can control some semblance and steady the stitches being torn from a bloody heart. Enough music played in deaf ears can induce tempo. Wicked footprints play with volumed loneliness and broken truths. Sandcastles. Run on and through them, like sentences.

One of my bosses walked up to me and started to say something. She stopped mid-sentence and scrunched up her eyebrows surveying my neck area. "Wow," She touched my shoulders. "You have really broad shoulders!" Then proceeded to forget what she was going to tell me in the first place.

... and erased forever.

Turmoil and soul searching. How much am I at fault? Does it even matter? Pieces are broken and lessons are learned and life goes on. Sitting and blaming doesn't change anything. I've learned so much about what is for the best, what people need, what people want, and what things are necessary. They don't always line up with my core believing, but neither does the hope that unicorns really exist. Words are shit and do nothing. So does the absence of words and that is something I think I am always going to struggle with. A funny story, the skate board show. I walk in and a voice behind me asks, "Are you an artist?" I smile and say in a cocky voice, "Yep, sure am!" while turning around. I meet eyes with this girl and instant recognition makes both of our eyes widen. Like a dumbass I can't remember from where I know this person, but it's obvious she knows very well and it's not a good thing. She has put this whole show together and she's an a...

I drove under a huge American flag yesterday. They were displaying it for today. It's weird to me. I don't really have any words or insightful thoughts about this anniversary. I don't examine the feelings that form when I see magazine covers of the children whose parents died that day. It seems a bit exploitative. I don't think that many people would share that viewpoint with me though. What's the media if not a machine to manipulate emotions though? In other, slightly less dire news, I finished "Catching Fire". The Second book in the Hunger Game Trilogy. I liked it better than the first! I kept thinking after reading the first book that there didn't seem to be much left in the story, or a direction that the author could take that were centered on the games. Seemed to solve that problem rather quickly. I'm already a couple of chapters into the third book. Not starting out great, and I'm beginning to lose patience with this girl getting hurt so...

This is the completed skateboard for the Waterboyz tricked Out Art Show. I am okay with how it turned out. I can see all of the flaws and I've changed it multiple times. I had to take it today so I would just stop messing with it. I'm not getting my hopes up, though. I don't even really want to go to the show. If I do go, I want to go incognito. I don't want to be acknowledged. I guess that's a bit weird. I've been feeling a bit weird lately. Disconnected. Very grateful for the people in my life who make it worth it. To laugh, to be acknowledged, that's what it's about. Maybe I have a cold inside of me, a little bit sick emotionally. Because I realize that I've just contradicted myself. Ugh.

It was slow at work as I thought it might be. People got sent home. I, on the other hand, got to be the bartender. ALL BY MYSELF! For real. I thought it was the coolest thing ever! I made at least 6 Long Islands among all the frozen drinks and beers. It's really a lot of fun! I'm sure I made them way stronger than they are supposed to be, but I didn't get any complaints! I almost was equally as tired by not walking around so much as when I do walk around a lot though. I hope I get to do it more! Everyone knows that infomercials rule the night. What's even worse than watching them, is being forced to watch them in an emergency room that is sitting at a cool 50 degrees at 4 in the morning. In between counting my goosebumps, I got to learn how the steam shark mop is the lightest model yet and is practically being GIVEN away. Watching pus that too closely resembles cottage cheese being squeezed out of a leg wound the size of a half dollar is on a whole other level of enter...

Tropical Storm Lee is officially here. People at work were optimistic at the beginning of the shift yesterday. However, by sundown it was obvious that the public was steering clear of the beach this weekend. Well, duh... I would have too! I got sent home around 7. We have even more staff scheduled for today. I am anxious to see how it's going to turn out. I think everyone should just stay home and sleep! I read The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins in about a day and a half at work. I picked it up on a whim after hearing they were making it into a movie. It was ... a lot more violent than I had anticipated. I think it was more jarring because the characters were kids, killing each other. It was akin to gladiator games from Ancient Rome set in the future with kids instead of slaves and criminals. Very entertaining and I will be interested to see how they turn it into a movie. The only fault I had was that Katniss seemed a bit flat to me. We got to see inside of her head, but th...