Frame of Reference

"Another speedbump, keep moving. Another stop light, you keep moving on."

I can't believe it. I've sold something on etsy. I'm in complete and utter shock. I'm so grateful and surprised. I can't believe it. I really can't believe it.

Forgive me for I have sinned I can not forget my past nor forgive it I've killed the thing I believe in The beep of the machines are fading They slip the sheet over my body, pinned.

A wild fire started in the Gulf State Park in Orange Beach Alabama on Saturday around noon. This is approximately 5 miles from where I work. I took a few pictures of it throughout the night. I really thought at the beginning when it started to spread, that we would be able to get to go home. ESPECIALLY when the power went out. Unfortunately it only lasted about 45 minutes before coming back on. I don't like fire. My back and neck have so many knots in it from being forced to endure such close proximity. Horrible.

Same Sh*t Different Day. I'm having Mac and Cheese for lunch. Then...I'm going to work. I'll come home and sleep, then do it again tomorrow. Though I might have something different for lunch.

There is dirt under your finger nails from grasping at edges of ravines too numerous to count in bottomless caverns that echo with the drops of tears fallen down ivory cheeks freckled with sorrow. Lay your hand in mine and I will break my focus around every knuckle and wrap my consciousness around palms bloodied and bruised. I will not wince when nails call forth the crimson whispers of past crimes. I will hold tighter. I will not let go, but I can be let go of.

I have a plant in my room that isn't doing so well. I've had it for several months. I don't know what the problem is all of a sudden. The whole thing reminds me of the movie 28 days with Sandra Bullock. The goal is to get out of rehab and get a plant. If the plant survives a couple of months then you move on to a pet, if the pet becomes part of your family then you can think about being in a relationship. Stupid plant. Bailey and I played in the sprinkler today. I sprayed her and then sprayed myself after pulling weeds and trimming hedges. She thought it was a riot and is now passed out on my bed, spread eagle. I'm finding myself becoming surrounded by highly abrasive people lately. I don't like it at all. I need tranquility and calm. Relaxed people that know how to use their inside voices and keep their temper reigned in. As a result of this, I'm becoming more withdrawn and quiet. The payoff is that I think my art is flourishing. It's always that way though...

Lack of focus. I can't focus at all. On Anything. Trying yoga. It was nice to try to focus on the moves. Oh, and breathing. I liked the breathing. Very cool song. I love how the dude enunciates "baby." The static, which I normally find very irritating, works for me. Maybe it's my state of mind. Or lack there of. Fitting. Either way. ---> AWOLNATION <---

Taken from "The Everything Love Signs Book" ARIES They never quite get to the point where they are happy with their work. Its never about the money, though thats a nice incentive. Instead, it has more to do with recognition and status. Aries are not critical or judgmental. They'll throw a choice comment this way or that once in a while but, in truth, Aries are too wrapped up in what they are doing to see clearly what's going on around them. A contradiction in terms, Aries wants an easy going partner- but also needs a good chase. Aries is the least-guilty sign of the zodiac. Like a child, Aries is convinced of their innocence. They don't want excessive compliments. They want to earn your affections. Though family is very important, Aries have considerable difficulty with brothers or sisters. If there is something that they don't like, they will tell you right away. Aries likes to be in control of things - but they will despise you if you can't stan...

So someone told me to "Be the change you wish to see." I smiled and quickly wrote, "Thanks Ghandi," before deleting it. It hit me. You can talk about changing, you can talk about becoming better, but none of that matters until you actually DO. It's just words until you make them actions. And it is ALL about the actions. I'm surrounded by some pretty smart people. I can sit here and dwell in misery and look at the mess I've created, or I can get up and start cleaning. It's all about getting back on the horse right? Although I'm pretty sure my horse is highly pissed that I keep falling off. I received an email from PSC. I got accepted and now I'm just waiting on my transcripts. I watched The Secret. I've always been curious about the phenomenon behind it. I don't know if I can wrap my head around it just yet. It surprisingly has A LOT in common with the philosophy behind "What the Bleep Do We Know." Also taking a great interes...

Dear G I had a nosebleed at work last night. I was just sitting at the bar, looking at my phone when I heard a click in my sinuses. It took forever to get it to stop. I felt very dizzy afterwards. Could have been lack of food, but for dramatic reasons, let's go with loss of blood. I ran this morning. I almost made it the full mile without stopping. I think that it was too hot for Bailey. If she is going to come with me then I'm going to have to get up earlier before it gets so hot. I feel like I am in one of those commercials where the person is standing still and people come in and out of the frame changing their clothes or cutting their hair, even changing their room. The ironic thing is, I'm willingly in that room. I'm asking for help and advice because I can't decipher what is inside of me. Everyone is advising me to do something different. I'm hesitant to do what -I- feel because I've been so wrong. This is why I am going to talk to someone who has actu...

Can you sit through this, Or is it gonna be too deep? So very close to what you had expected It makes it hard to keep my head up I got a picture of the way The world has summed me up I'm ready to take the fall I'll take the blame We pay for the stupid things We've done where I come from The night still confuses me I wake up exhausted it's not morning And wake up out of air, the night's too short. I sit all night, I sit still all night I get so sad So scared That all my feelings They up and leave me Would you take a straight and narrow critical look at me? When you're sure nothing could be further from the cold hard truth I'm a car crash But I have to get up There's a war inside of me And I'm not proud That nothing will seem easy about me Something's so sick about this It's a silly time to learn to swim When you start to drown Last night I was writing about you Please, before I tell you I'm not worth the ...

In not wanting to hurt anybody, I've hurt everybody. By keeping my fears locked inside, I've made them come true.

Feast your eyes upon the newest addition to my body. It's a drawing a did a LLOONNGGG time ago. I really like how it turned out. It still has to scab and heal, so the colors aren't true...yet. There is nothing quite like getting called in on your day off, which happened to me yesterday. They even had to call two people in. We were THAT busy. Made money I otherwise wouldn't have had the opportunity to make. WINNING! So now that my aunt has gone back home. (Best visit yet, I gotta say!) And other things have...changed, I look around. I would ask myself "Well, now what?" But I know that the universe or whatever is out there would raise one eyebrow, like an amused parent when a child says, "I'm bored." It will find something to 'entertain' me. I can speak from experience and say that I DEFINITELY do NOT want that to happen. So, I think I will close my laptop, drink some water, and start running. Literally.