Frame of Reference

You know, you think you need closure from something. You need one moment. One sentence that you can keep. You can wrap it up and take it down like a beloved book and open it up, whenever you want to, just to remind yourself that it's over. Because we forget. We all forget. And we can tell ourselves lies, but it's not lying because we don't feel it it's the truth. When my house burned down, I knew it was gone. I didn't see it disappear though. The last thing I remember is flames coming from the vent, then the window. I remember walking in my socks over snow. I remember not being able to see anything and my sister yelling. A lot. How did our dog get to us? I remember silence. I remember sitting in an ambulance. So I had to go back. I had to go back and see it. And the first time it was still smoldering. There was framework left and smoke rising and appliances. So I had to go back again, because my heart didn't believe it. My brain did. My brain is very smart. ...

Sometimes a day is an uphill battle. Sometimes an ally is found in the last place you think. It's bad enough when a storm rages inside of yourself. It's worse when it rages outside with insults and words and actions being hurdled like meaningless debris. Fragments take flight and just when you think you're losing your grip, someone makes eye contact and says "Me too" and smiles. That's it. That's all it takes. That's all it took.

I finally received my new phone! It only took 4 days longer than it should have. First world problems, though, right? I couldn't be beyond more thrilled. I'm also tickled because it's my mothers first time having a smart phone. She has a tablet already, so the transition is not horrible. I think I wanted it for her because of the pictures. We send pictures of Caiden back and forth through our family almost daily, and now she can really see them. And really take them herself, on her phone, and send them to us. It makes me smile. And she can access facebook. She's been away from her friends... almost since Caiden has been with us. I'd like for her to connect more easily when she is out. I'm going to shave Bailey's butt. As I was typing the above paragraph, I noticed her fighting with dingle berries. It's not her fault that it's fucking below freezing and her winter coat is growing out of her ass. We really need three day weekends. The first day (Satu...

I am really digging the song "Pale Shelter" that Tegan and Sara covered. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KtO9W6s3SBM "And I can't operate on this failure When all I wanna be is completely in command" ~Tears for Fears Getting some medical stuff done. One test came back normal. Fingers crossed that everything else does as well! Little man is doing very well. He's getting a bit willful, which is to be expected. He's very quiet and reserved 80% of the time, then he gets into these fits where he will scream and make himself giggle or he will babble nonstop or chase Bailey through the house. Kind of reminds me of me. Tomorrow is the first gallery night of the year. I'm a bit inspired and I actually inspired another artist at the gallery. It was all around.... inspiring.

Kind of sad when the highlight of the day is going to the dentist. No cavities for me. Although I got a weird recommendation to use a kid's toothbrush because I have a "smaller" mouth. I was slightly embarrassed but I suppose it makes sense. Whatever it takes to keep me from having fillings and such, I'm on board. Tomorrow is the reception/art show. I stupidly waited until the last minute to try some abstract paintings in order to fill in my empty spaces. We will see how well this works out for me, it's not looking great so far. Going to be a lllloonnnggg day tomorrow.

It was a bit of a rough day today. Work environment isn't great. I don't think anyone is happy... about anything it seems. I try to joke around with them. Make our chats to fill the empty spaces NOT about work, but it always circles around. That's when music comes in. I was almost 3 thousand miles over my "limit" to get my car maintenance done. I have a lot of things coming up so I scheduled it for today. I didn't plan it or what happened. They said it would take two hours at the least. But I did get to see FROZEN with my favorite five year old on the planet. I love his giggle. I love his questions and his theories about how the world works. I just love existing in the same space as him. Makes everything a little brighter. My favorite moment? He had me roll down the window so he could make the "blinker noise" with his tongue when we were turning. My other favorite man, the eight month old, is sick. He's very hoarse and it makes me wince every...

There is a possibility that the wind chill tomorrow evening will be between 7 and 0 degrees. I actually can't believe I'm writing it because that all that people are talking about and I'm a tad sick of hearing about it. I suppose I'll forget in the months or years to follow and it might be slightly entertaining to look back and read. Maybe not. Could be as droll then as it is now. I sold the cat drawing today. Butterfly Kisses. It's surreal to imagine someone walking in to their house and their sits something that I created. Something that someone likes. I don't know, I kind of freak out if I think about it too long. I'm in the middle of an abstract piece right now. It's funny, I really like doing abstract but I don't put much stock in them. I think of them as "filler". I'm taking my time with this one, like a good book, I don't want to reach the end. I want this semi-content feeling to last as long as possible. Bed head is ...

I had a nightmare. It was movie worthy, really. I found myself in a small cabin. I remember shaking my head as if to ask myself if this was real. It was too surreal. The sky was too purple/black. The stars too perfect and the corn fields outside too eerie. I turn around and every motion that I make is in slow motion. A supervisor from work is in the cabin with me. It's his cabin. He used to be a preacher. This is significant. I just.. I can't remember why. He's agitated and worried but trying his best not to let it show. I turn my head back to the window that I was looking out of. I see cornfields. They aren't moving right. There is something in the corn (like the movie "Signs") but it's evil, not extraterrestrial, like demon evil, a la children of the corn. My dream self even half smirks because it's too perfect. I turn my attention back to the cabin and my boss. He's walking around, doing something I'm not paying much attention to. There is ...