Frame of Reference

I find myself regurgitating the same words and thoughts over and over. In my head, at work, on paper, in text. So then, sometimes, pictures are wonderful replacements. 

I currently can NOT breathe out of my right nostril. I think my right eye is also bulging. I also think one of the grossest feelings is when you go to bed really cold, burrowed under covers and then a couple of hours later, wake up in sweat.. like, literally dripping wet. I learned today that religions where women wear skirts, don't cut their hair, or wear cosmetics.... also don't wear deodorant. Fun fact of the day. I need to have the dog drawing finished by Wednesday. Yikes. I feel like I'm watching the calender for the year to be over, like I watch the clock at work for the day to be over. Hhmmm.

PROCRASTINATOR be thy name. I've only had this picture for the past 3 or 4 maybe even 6 months. I'm just now getting into it. It figures. I don't know if it's too late. I figure I'm going to finish it even still. For my own sake. I have a goal to work on my art this winter. Maybe during my down time of surgery. I find that whenever I have a spare moment it's hard not to stare off into space or escape into music. I'm not saying that art is work, but when it's a commission, it is. I'm just tired. But I like how this is turning out so far. I'm a little bit encouraged I guess. We will see. It could all fall apart by Monday. Speaking of, that'd be the appointment. I am in love with Pink's video for "Try". I don't love the song, it's good, but the video is breathtaking. So well done. I hope it wins an award for something. Makes me want to play with powdered paint very badly and then photograph it. I need to take pictures.

I've been struggling with a lot lately. However, if a someone was observing me, they wouldn't know. They wouldn't know how I deal with things. How I internalize and process. They wouldn't know that I save the tears for my pillow and I wait until the darkness settles in. I think they would be blind to the fact that I've lost weight. Maybe they would chalk up my staring into space for long moments to daydreaming. Maybe I am daydreaming. They'd be clueless to the almost obsessive way that I laugh now or the aggressive moments that I jump into conversations. It's out of character. But I need to belong. I need to or I'm going to drown. I think I could do something a little out of character just to feel something different that what I've been feeling lately. Isn't that a coping skill all it's own? Distraction? It's not running away. It's dealing. "I've spent most of my time catching my breath, letting it go, turning my cheek fo...