Absent

Sense of chaos

I was never there when things were decided

agreed upon, opinions formulated

I didn't have a say

Would I have said a word?

In my way

Its all in the explanations of intentions

I can't seem to stuff my mind inside the box of logical sense

My thoughts are vague and fantastical

I cant pour them out of my mouth

Without wrapping it wrong

People left to assume

I take responsibility

I offer apologies

deserved

I need to figure myself out?

What's more human and noble than attempting?

I leaped, I fell, I failed... but I tried

I yearned and I wanted and I felt with my head and my heart

with every part of my being

But I can't put those feelings into words

I can't analyze

I can't draw a blueprint

I try

But not always

Am I so far off track?

An Intervention on my behalf

How can I fix this when I'm standing on ground that doesn't exist

I get that I pulled the rug out from under my own feet

I threw trust on its ass

I felt fear, loss, uncertainty, doubt

I've panicked

I've lied. I've hurt - people.

I wish that I didn't.

My thought process is skewed

My inability to communicate

hurts, isolates, and alienates

No excuses exist

But is it being lost?

Is it being broken?

Can you meet my eyes when I explain this?