Dark Side

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I've been struggling with a lot lately. However, if a someone was observing me, they wouldn't know. They wouldn't know how I deal with things. How I internalize and process. They wouldn't know that I save the tears for my pillow and I wait until the darkness settles in. I think they would be blind to the fact that I've lost weight. Maybe they would chalk up my staring into space for long moments to daydreaming. Maybe I am daydreaming. They'd be clueless to the almost obsessive way that I laugh now or the aggressive moments that I jump into conversations. It's out of character. But I need to belong. I need to or I'm going to drown.
I think I could do something a little out of character just to feel something different that what I've been feeling lately. Isn't that a coping skill all it's own? Distraction?
It's not running away. It's dealing.

"I've spent most of my time catching my breath, letting it go, turning my cheek for the sake of the show." ~Clarkson

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