Talk It Out

I watch his breathing.
I watch bailey's breathing.
I match my breath to their breaths.

The lightning colors the room bright pink.
Bailey only notices if I move to look.

I watch his breathing.

I don't think about waking up at 2:30.
I don't think about going to my second job that I pussied out of my two week notice that turned into a month because my boss wanted a vacation.
I don't think about the blank spaces on my gallery wall or the email calling me out for doing things the wrong way.
I don't think about the money that doesn't exist or the hole in my filling that I keep putting off.

I watch Bailey's breathing.

I don't think about getting moved to Second Shift and losing all of the friends that has taken me this long to make.
I don't think about how my weaknesses cause everyone around me pain and suffering or annoyance.

I watch his breathing.
I listen to the rain hitting the window.

I don't think about the self hatred I hold onto for not being better than my weaknesses. For giving in or the panic attacks that have reared their ugly head.

I take a deep breath.