A Series of Events
I traveled 4.5 hours north to see Tegan and Sara in Tuscaloosa, Alabama on Monday. I wasn't supposed to be alone, but due to a series of events, I found myself driving solo. I will admit that I was upset and angry and feeling sorry for myself at first. As time went on, the miles ticking away, and the amount of bugs on my windshield increasing, I fell into it. I fell into the rhythm of the trip, of being alone, of being in control. It reminded me of past road trips and it helped me.... center, per se. I jammed to music and gazed into empty buildings with broken glass, ghost towns. I played "speed trap" with local cops and ignorant drivers and tiptoed through questionable bathrooms and scary gas stations. I felt my age when a fellow concert goer was reading Harry Potter and I ran to the front row against the "bar" like a teenager myself. I sang along to ever song and rolled my eyes at the crowds antics. (Really, what makes someone scream, "I love you"??) Every time their eyes scanned the audience, I just knew they saw me. I didn't take a mass amount of pictures, or video, I wanted to experience it through just my senses. It was outside, there was almost a full moon, the breeze was blowing. It was a good time.
Home life is hectic, work is going to get a lot more hectic, my love life isn't ideal. But despite it all... I have hope. It's taken this much needed time (A whole two extra days, the last of the year) off from work to really focus on what I do have. There is a lot that I don't. A lot that I want. I know that if I focus, I can achieve anything. I need to work on communication with everyone in my life. I'm here (holds my right hand up) and everyone else in the world is here (holds my left hand up at a different level). I need to realize that not everyone thinks like me, feels like me, or even talks like me. The world would be a boring place, blah blah blah blah.... but it would be a hell of a lot simpler if the majority of people saw things like I did. Felt them just as strongly as I did. But nooooooo. My burden to carry, I suppose. :p
I had the most disturbing dream last night. I was at an airport. (ha ha) I was dressed in fatigues but I felt like I was just there. Not on a mission or undercover or anything. I guy was talking to me. I didn't really pay much attention but his passionate way of talking to me, like he knew me, caught my eye. We got separated. He's a suicide bomber. I'm a suspect because he knew me. I'm being pursued by the authorities because I must know something. We were seen talking. I run. I try to cross a sidewalk with bushes, very thick hedges lining the edges of the sidewalk. I scrape my left ankle. I don't look down because I am in a hurry but the pain starts stinging. I look down and their are many, MANY, insects on my paint leg. I reach down to brush them off but find that most are burrowed into my pant leg. I freak out, scream, and take my camo paints off immediately. In public. I am alone now in the airport, outside, pantless. I look down and five or six insects are burrowed into the outside of my ankle area. They are already under the skin. I have to squeeze them like pimples and then a part of their bodies portude. I grab them and pull them out which is EXTREMELY painful, like they have hooks for legs that rip my flesh. Each insect is approximately 4 inches long and has wings, like a roach but skinny like a worm. There is no blood, just a gaping whole. There is one that is buried very deep and it's not long, it's fat. The skin has grown over and I close my eyes because I know that I have to use my teeth. When I bite down on my leg a part of the bug explodes and I almost throw up but I know that I have to keep it together to get this thing out of me. I succeed and look down to see the bugs crawling away, much faster than they should normally be moving. I rip my sleeve off and wrap it around my ankle. The pain is excruciating. There is a stairwell in front of me, I stand up and know that what I need is on the next floor. It's the QXC headquarters. Then I wake up.
Home life is hectic, work is going to get a lot more hectic, my love life isn't ideal. But despite it all... I have hope. It's taken this much needed time (A whole two extra days, the last of the year) off from work to really focus on what I do have. There is a lot that I don't. A lot that I want. I know that if I focus, I can achieve anything. I need to work on communication with everyone in my life. I'm here (holds my right hand up) and everyone else in the world is here (holds my left hand up at a different level). I need to realize that not everyone thinks like me, feels like me, or even talks like me. The world would be a boring place, blah blah blah blah.... but it would be a hell of a lot simpler if the majority of people saw things like I did. Felt them just as strongly as I did. But nooooooo. My burden to carry, I suppose. :p
I had the most disturbing dream last night. I was at an airport. (ha ha) I was dressed in fatigues but I felt like I was just there. Not on a mission or undercover or anything. I guy was talking to me. I didn't really pay much attention but his passionate way of talking to me, like he knew me, caught my eye. We got separated. He's a suicide bomber. I'm a suspect because he knew me. I'm being pursued by the authorities because I must know something. We were seen talking. I run. I try to cross a sidewalk with bushes, very thick hedges lining the edges of the sidewalk. I scrape my left ankle. I don't look down because I am in a hurry but the pain starts stinging. I look down and their are many, MANY, insects on my paint leg. I reach down to brush them off but find that most are burrowed into my pant leg. I freak out, scream, and take my camo paints off immediately. In public. I am alone now in the airport, outside, pantless. I look down and five or six insects are burrowed into the outside of my ankle area. They are already under the skin. I have to squeeze them like pimples and then a part of their bodies portude. I grab them and pull them out which is EXTREMELY painful, like they have hooks for legs that rip my flesh. Each insect is approximately 4 inches long and has wings, like a roach but skinny like a worm. There is no blood, just a gaping whole. There is one that is buried very deep and it's not long, it's fat. The skin has grown over and I close my eyes because I know that I have to use my teeth. When I bite down on my leg a part of the bug explodes and I almost throw up but I know that I have to keep it together to get this thing out of me. I succeed and look down to see the bugs crawling away, much faster than they should normally be moving. I rip my sleeve off and wrap it around my ankle. The pain is excruciating. There is a stairwell in front of me, I stand up and know that what I need is on the next floor. It's the QXC headquarters. Then I wake up.