Guts Of The Matter

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"You Should Go With Your Gut"

This phrase has stuck with me for a while. I'm not sure I even know what it means. I'm not sure I even have one.
But I think that I do. A lifetime ago, it seems, my gut told me to leave my job and drive across the country. I was in the shower a few hours ago and said to myself, "And look where that got me." Flippantly. I even kind of laughed a little. In the next breath, however, I said with more conviction, "But look where that got me. Really." 
I am where I am right now because I threw caution to the wind and followed my gut. I told fear to take a hike. I think every decision, every event, bad or good, or even the non-events led me to this. I am where I am supposed to be.
That doesn't mean I stay here. That means that I continue... even if it's hard. In retrospect, the suckiest moments:

Failing the military
Saying goodbye to my grandma
Watching my sister self destruct
Holding my dog while she slipped away
Being touched by flames
Literal doors not being opened
Hurting those I love, again and again

Those things among many others taught me the most. 

I may be a very serious, quiet person who over thinks things, and then thinks about them again. But I do acknowledge the good. I know I am lucky and blessed. I get a lot from life and those that are with me in it. 

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