Ramblin' Man

So... over the years I've heard it many times, many different ways. You need to be alone, be by yourself. You are so focused on other people that you don't even know what you want. So... over the years I've heard it many times, many different ways. You are so focused on yourself, you are so narcissistic, you can't even begin to imagine what a partner might need, might want.

I think I've done both. Equally. Without a second thought to the other.
I have been so self-centered, so self-involved. Shit, re-read my entires. Me, me, me, me-me. Then there are some where I try so hard to become what someone else needs. Musically, physically, etc. Like, liking my eggs the way my special someone does.... a la "Runaway Bride".

And then... my sister died. And then... I have two boys... and then, nothing is about me, except maybe, in a peripheral way. My jokes, my stories, my humor, my excitement. It's all boy. All the time.

Is it okay? Am I okay with that? I think a weird middle step was missed. Am I lacking because I didn't grow them? I definitely don't love them less. We talk of their mom fondly but like God. Something that created us, left us with a profound sense of love, but we can't see or touch, or hug any longer. Faith then?

They say they have three moms. The mom that died, their grandmother, and me. Me, of all the people.