Diving Boards

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When I was little, I used to always have arguments with myself before doing something scary. I was the kid that stood on the diving board for 20 minutes before jumping in. It's not something I enjoy. In fact, I get very angry and frustrated with myself for not just doing it. Just jump in! But a part of me would freeze and have to weigh the consequences and the benefits. I'm entirely convinced there are two people living inside of me. A very compulsive daredevil and a very timid...nerd is the best word I can come up with here. But now, there are no diving boards, it's just decisions. Albeit life changing ones, but I still can't shake the internal debate. Why can't I just jump in?

I thought this song by Sarah McLachlan was very fitting... It's called Train Wreck
Would your love in all its finery
tear at the darkness all around me
until I can feel again
until I can breathe again

Cause Im a train wreck
waiting to happen
waiting for someone to come pick me up off the tracks
a wild fire born of frustration
born of the one love that gets me so high
Ive no fear at all

Would your eyes like midnight fireflies
light up the trenches where my heart lies
until I can see again
to find my way back again

To fall so deep into you
lose myself completely
in your sweet embrace
all my pains erased

From your mouth its all that I wish
the mercy of your lips just one kiss
until I can breathe again
so that I can sing again

Comments

  1. Anonymous6:46 AM

    What we need to do is instill in you a sense of optomism! You're entirely too negative about this. I SAY...This is a good time in your life. Things are in place for great things to happen. WORSTE case...something goes wrong? You wont drop dead. If nothing else you will have learned something. You're not a train wreck waiting to happen. ^_^ All the same, you know I'm always here. If you can't find me, I'll find you.

    ReplyDelete

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