Ashamed
There aren't many things that I regret in life. All of the bad decisions and all of the good have gotten me to where I am today. I think I am on the right track. Last night, however, I hit a major speed bump in the road to being a better person. I think it might have messed up the under carriage of my car in fact. I can sit here and write that I was a little bit too tipsy or that I was emotionally charged/damaged/raw etc. But, ultimately, what I did was all me and I am greatly ashamed by my actions.
Everything inside of me knew that what I was doing was very wrong, I just continued to keep doing it. I kept pushing and even though I did get pushed myself, I shouldn't have lost control the way that I did. I woke up this morning and re-read what I had written and I didn't even recognize the person who could have possibly written those words.
So of course, I want to 'fix' it. I want to do everything in my power to apologize and 'explain' and make it right. But that's something that I always do. That's something that makes ME feel better. Even if I explain my point of view, that doesn't change the other persons' feelings or even the situation. Understanding, isn't going to fix anything at this point.
If anything, I have learned a very valuable lesson from this. It's not about me.
In conclusion, while I am getting my car fixed from ramming this speed bump head on, I'm just going to send out positive vibes to the situation and to the person that I wronged. That's it. Let the situation heal itself. Don't try to fix it. I think that's the biggest thing, is realizing that the world/life doesn't need my help fixing things or people! I'm going to make myself feel better by being a better person. By learning from this and not making the same mistake again. By knowing that by my absence the other person can heal and not always be nagged by me. That thought makes me feel better. Stand up, brush off the dirt and blood, and keep going.
Everything inside of me knew that what I was doing was very wrong, I just continued to keep doing it. I kept pushing and even though I did get pushed myself, I shouldn't have lost control the way that I did. I woke up this morning and re-read what I had written and I didn't even recognize the person who could have possibly written those words.
So of course, I want to 'fix' it. I want to do everything in my power to apologize and 'explain' and make it right. But that's something that I always do. That's something that makes ME feel better. Even if I explain my point of view, that doesn't change the other persons' feelings or even the situation. Understanding, isn't going to fix anything at this point.
If anything, I have learned a very valuable lesson from this. It's not about me.
In conclusion, while I am getting my car fixed from ramming this speed bump head on, I'm just going to send out positive vibes to the situation and to the person that I wronged. That's it. Let the situation heal itself. Don't try to fix it. I think that's the biggest thing, is realizing that the world/life doesn't need my help fixing things or people! I'm going to make myself feel better by being a better person. By learning from this and not making the same mistake again. By knowing that by my absence the other person can heal and not always be nagged by me. That thought makes me feel better. Stand up, brush off the dirt and blood, and keep going.
