Feel the Vibration
Feel it, feel it.
Well, two employees were fired and one quit. We are down to 4 full-time employees and 3 part-time employees. 336 hours must be covered in 1 week. I'm not big on numbers at all, so the fact that I am using them to make a point illustrates just how dire I feel the situation is. Essentially, we are getting our asses handed to us by the company and we are all looking for greener pastures or at the very least, a vessel that does not seem to be sinking. (Cue Annie Lennox "Why")
I feel myself missing and looking forward to school. It's crazy how quickly your brain realizes that it's not being stimulated. I imagine it's a situation similar to working out regularly. You start craving exercise. I don't work out so I wouldn't know, but I should. I'm also sure that as soon as school starts with the 18 hours that I'm taking, I will look at myself in the mirror and ask, "What the fuck were you thinking?"
The emotional aspect continues to be a roller coaster. I have let go of everything in an attempt to stop trying to control everything, stop trying to use people or even figure out if I'm using them at all. I have to let go and trust that the people who want to be in my life will just be. Stop forcing it, stop chasing, stop trying so hard. TRUST, TRUST, TRUST. That's my new mantra. I have to trust in things and be willing to just get crushed or not. I can't keep hiding behind imaginary walls. I have to be proud to wear my heart on my sleeve and accept myself for who I am and stop trying to be who I'm not. And as hard as it is for me to say (sarcasm) I'm not perfect and I'm not always right and that's okay too.
Well, two employees were fired and one quit. We are down to 4 full-time employees and 3 part-time employees. 336 hours must be covered in 1 week. I'm not big on numbers at all, so the fact that I am using them to make a point illustrates just how dire I feel the situation is. Essentially, we are getting our asses handed to us by the company and we are all looking for greener pastures or at the very least, a vessel that does not seem to be sinking. (Cue Annie Lennox "Why")
I feel myself missing and looking forward to school. It's crazy how quickly your brain realizes that it's not being stimulated. I imagine it's a situation similar to working out regularly. You start craving exercise. I don't work out so I wouldn't know, but I should. I'm also sure that as soon as school starts with the 18 hours that I'm taking, I will look at myself in the mirror and ask, "What the fuck were you thinking?"
The emotional aspect continues to be a roller coaster. I have let go of everything in an attempt to stop trying to control everything, stop trying to use people or even figure out if I'm using them at all. I have to let go and trust that the people who want to be in my life will just be. Stop forcing it, stop chasing, stop trying so hard. TRUST, TRUST, TRUST. That's my new mantra. I have to trust in things and be willing to just get crushed or not. I can't keep hiding behind imaginary walls. I have to be proud to wear my heart on my sleeve and accept myself for who I am and stop trying to be who I'm not. And as hard as it is for me to say (sarcasm) I'm not perfect and I'm not always right and that's okay too.
Comments
Post a Comment