Stillness

Still nothing.
Full of second guessing.
Obsessed with 2012 and
Alien abductions.
Succumbing to apologetic visions
of Compasses held and given
Put the puzzle back together
or ache forever, never settle

I'm seriously considering employing the services of a psychic.
Maybe I need a therapist more.
At least immediate environments are scrubbed, cleaned,
and rearranged. Change of pace, not enough.

If I show up now, will I always wonder? Will there exist
doubt forever? Trust could never be reborn.
What if? What if?

I keep having bad dreams.
I've become a clock watcher for no apparent reason.
I check the time and don't see numbers, they matter
not.
I'm not waiting.
I'm making sure it's still ticking.

I listen to music without lyrics because words burrow.
Faster, deeper, intricate, and louder.
Drums all encompassing while synths scream.
Pound the beating of my heart.
Chase away these waking ------ms.