Therapy 102
I wouldn't wish for a couch, but these chairs are a bit formal and could be a lot more comfortable. My eyes scan the bookshelf for the 57th time.
Th: You don't seem to be adjusting very well.
Me: No, I'm not. It wasn't my choice.
Th: Are you angry?
Me: Sometimes. Not as angry as I was last week and I don't think I will be this angry next week.
Th: That's a healthy outlook. Why do you think that is?
Me: Resignation. It's also the natural evolution of things, isn't it?
Th: It can be, yes. Each individual processes things differently though.
I smirk, which doesn't go unnoticed.
Th: What's funny?
Me: We must have said that "We are just different people" a thousand times.
Th: Ah.
Me: Guess you had to be there.
Th: In the past you mentioned that you would do anything and everything to keep the lines of communication open. Why is it different now?
Me: I think I've grown up. I was lying in bed the other night and realized that she did tell me... In black and white words. I didn't choose to hear. I just wanted things to be different and believed that they could be.
Th: And now?
Me: I still believe they could. I suppose I'm an optimist ... or naive. However, I think reality is setting in.
Th: Are you sure you aren't punishing or manipulating?
I can feel my defenses go up and I clench my jaw.
Me: I'm sure.
Th: I'm not accusing you. Let's take it further. How can you be sure?
Me: Because I would be looking for an outcome. I would have a goal or a set reaction from her that I would want to see. I'm not 'looking' for anything. I just ...
I hate when I can't find the words.
I look at my thumbs.
Th: I don't think that you are either, from what it sounds like. Just be sure you check in with yourself every once in a while.
Th: You don't seem to be adjusting very well.
Me: No, I'm not. It wasn't my choice.
Th: Are you angry?
Me: Sometimes. Not as angry as I was last week and I don't think I will be this angry next week.
Th: That's a healthy outlook. Why do you think that is?
Me: Resignation. It's also the natural evolution of things, isn't it?
Th: It can be, yes. Each individual processes things differently though.
I smirk, which doesn't go unnoticed.
Th: What's funny?
Me: We must have said that "We are just different people" a thousand times.
Th: Ah.
Me: Guess you had to be there.
Th: In the past you mentioned that you would do anything and everything to keep the lines of communication open. Why is it different now?
Me: I think I've grown up. I was lying in bed the other night and realized that she did tell me... In black and white words. I didn't choose to hear. I just wanted things to be different and believed that they could be.
Th: And now?
Me: I still believe they could. I suppose I'm an optimist ... or naive. However, I think reality is setting in.
Th: Are you sure you aren't punishing or manipulating?
I can feel my defenses go up and I clench my jaw.
Me: I'm sure.
Th: I'm not accusing you. Let's take it further. How can you be sure?
Me: Because I would be looking for an outcome. I would have a goal or a set reaction from her that I would want to see. I'm not 'looking' for anything. I just ...
I hate when I can't find the words.
I look at my thumbs.
Th: I don't think that you are either, from what it sounds like. Just be sure you check in with yourself every once in a while.