Less Vague

You know that expression, "I'm too tired to sleep"? It always seemed silly to me. I've experienced it, but still. It's an odd statement. I have one of my own. "I feel so much right now that I feel numb." I feel like so much is happening that it's quite comical. But it's not. It's tragic. It's just so tragic that it's unbelievable.

I have a sister that has hit so many false bottoms that I'm not sure I will even recognize the real one when she hits it. If she hits it. She's gone, again. I can only hope that she figures things out.... or just gets tired of what it is that she's doing. It has to be exhausting.

I have a mother with a broken heart that I can't hold together. It's not my job, but she's my partner. So I will hurt with her. I will worry too, because the unknown is scary.

I have an aunt who just received news that she has breast cancer. I can't imagine the terror that she must be feeling. She is going to start treatment in four days.

I have an aunt who flipped her car this morning on a trip to Oklahoma. She was pinned upside down. She was taken to a hospital and told that she has a broken back. Compression fracture. They life flighted her to a hospital better equipped to deal with orthopedic trauma.

My family isn't that big. Most of us aren't even that close. But we are in our own way. I can't even describe how it feels to see all of this happening, all at one time.

I just want to answer the phone without that stab of panic. I don't want to always be afraid that it's going to be bad.

But despite everything, I laughed today. I was going through my pictures and organizing them. I found this picture. I must have looked at this a dozen times and never realized what I was looking at....or what it LOOKS like, anyway. I took this in Cincinnati about 5 years ago.

I guess the mind has it's own defense mechanisms. As long as you get out of it's way, it'll take care of itself.