Buckets of It
The truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth....
I've learned that you just can't please everyone. Growing up in the kind of environment that I have, I really try to do that...even at the cost of my own happiness. I pretend to be strong and then when I'm by myself I play the victim, the 'why me' - 'life isn't fair' card. But in reality I've brought it upon myself. No one is making me feel this way, except me.
No one can take someone elses place. It's literally impossible. It'd be trying to fit a circle through a sqaure peg. This isn't going to happen. That does not mean that a circle shape isn't going to be created as well. Can you consider that your view of how things work is very limited and closed minded?
I'm standing in fragments and I want to make things easier. Am I manipulating? Possibly. I was unaware though. Does that make it right? Definitely not.
I'm trying to examine my feelings. What do my guts look like? Why is my brain making war with my heart? Who's right and who's wrong? I feel scared, but of what? I feel anxious all of the time. I feel like people are watching me, waiting for something. Only I don't know the rules. I don't want people to expect things of me any longer.
I found this interesting article....http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Quarter-life_crisis
I'm not offering it as an excuse for anything. But it helps a little to know that feeling completely lost and confused is actually a common occurance.
Pastures are never greener on the other side. But I have to know what the other side looks like.
Security: A good job, an amazing person to grow old with, a loving family, a comfortable life style.
How completely insane is it to set all of that aside?
Can you really appreciate it if you don't know who you are?
I'm not saying I don't deserve those things. But I need to find something. I need to find -something-. I might go looking for this and realize it's been inside of me the whole time...but something has to make me realize it. Will everything be gone when I finally find it? What if I don't?
Stop fucking assuming things about me because I don't even know what the hell is going on. How can anyone else?
I'm peeling everything away. Maybe embracing insanity will give me some clarity.
I've learned that you just can't please everyone. Growing up in the kind of environment that I have, I really try to do that...even at the cost of my own happiness. I pretend to be strong and then when I'm by myself I play the victim, the 'why me' - 'life isn't fair' card. But in reality I've brought it upon myself. No one is making me feel this way, except me.
No one can take someone elses place. It's literally impossible. It'd be trying to fit a circle through a sqaure peg. This isn't going to happen. That does not mean that a circle shape isn't going to be created as well. Can you consider that your view of how things work is very limited and closed minded?
I'm standing in fragments and I want to make things easier. Am I manipulating? Possibly. I was unaware though. Does that make it right? Definitely not.
I'm trying to examine my feelings. What do my guts look like? Why is my brain making war with my heart? Who's right and who's wrong? I feel scared, but of what? I feel anxious all of the time. I feel like people are watching me, waiting for something. Only I don't know the rules. I don't want people to expect things of me any longer.
I found this interesting article....http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Quarter-life_crisis
I'm not offering it as an excuse for anything. But it helps a little to know that feeling completely lost and confused is actually a common occurance.
Pastures are never greener on the other side. But I have to know what the other side looks like.
Security: A good job, an amazing person to grow old with, a loving family, a comfortable life style.
How completely insane is it to set all of that aside?
Can you really appreciate it if you don't know who you are?
I'm not saying I don't deserve those things. But I need to find something. I need to find -something-. I might go looking for this and realize it's been inside of me the whole time...but something has to make me realize it. Will everything be gone when I finally find it? What if I don't?
Stop fucking assuming things about me because I don't even know what the hell is going on. How can anyone else?
I'm peeling everything away. Maybe embracing insanity will give me some clarity.
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