Perspective

I think from an outside perspective, it might seem that I am depressed, unhappy, and focused on all of the bad. That is far, far, from the case. I use this forum as a place to vent. I write negative, I write to figure out feelings, I vomit prose and write nonsense sometimes to get it out of me. To make it real. I want it to become visceral so that I can acknowledge it and try to let it go.
I am very happy. The happiest I've been in a long time. Not because I am content with my life. Not because I've found the best job, the greatest house, the coolest friends, and the love of my life. I don't have any of those things except a great house :) But I am learning to be content in the moment and that is gigantic. I'm far from perfect and still throw temper tantrums and have horribly bad days. But I see the good in every day and every one. Intellectually. I just don't always acknowledge that I do.
On the flip side my downward spiral in disconnection is becoming worrisome.
No change with the boy at work though eye contact was made today. I was put in a horribly awkward situation by another coworker, not the first time. I was really proud of myself and said 'no' albeit politely.
Am I growing up?
Looking forward to Vegas!! Already researching. Also researching and planning New Orleans trip. (this is where it gets rough with the reminders) ...