About Eleven

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Grateful for symmetry, alcohol, shadows, and shapes. So incredibly tired. We are working, working, on cleaning, construction, and packing.  Built an outdoor shed. Saw plans for tomorrow. I'm happy/sad. Almost done with Christmas shopping. I'm grateful...

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The Unexpected

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I wish I could turn around without feeling like I've done something wrong. Can you even see yourself? I keep looking at the moon and thinking of the mice. Every night. I look for refuge in all of the wrong places. Even music gets lonely. I wish it wasn't so easy for people to hurt. I wish it wasn't so easy for people to hurt me because they are hurt by something else. I wish that I knew how to change that. Desert of Sadness by DJ Dado
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Various mornings

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The sunlight deceives in this thoughtless wonder bright rays that promise warmth are just for show an illusion in the making and naught but cold But imagine the warmth that the sun could bestow unto violin beats that mimic the heart with strings that echo and Light that dances behind shadows who bow with grace Whispers in the timeless space that exists in between one breath and the next that I hold behind pale lips shiver not, feel not but warmth of promises yet to be made
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Skipping Days

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Fear lives within me It creates excuses Do I even possess courage Or am I mistaking it for Stupidity Impulsive to a point Responsible to a downfall A stick stuck in the mud of righteousness oozing with The Past Am I afraid to fail or afraid to fall Coffee flavored mornings tickle my brain. I can't stop thinking about it. I had a dream about it. I dreamed I couldn't breathe. It felt like my lungs kept getting smaller and smaller. Panic took control of my body and I squeezed my eyes shut against the world. I fell to my knees and wrapped my arms around my stomach willing my lungs to expand but they kept shrinking. My lips started to tingle and my hands were turning to ice. Usually it's very dark in my dreams. Always night or dusk, but it was so bright this time. I couldn't tell where the light was coming from. My eyes started to tear up even while they were closed against the brightness. I tasted something very metallic but was too panicked to know if I had bitten my ton...
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